A Jackal named Bird (comedy)
Posted By: someone that you dont know<email@example.com>
Date: 9 April 2004, 3:59 AM
This is my first attempt at a story instead of a poem so go easy on it. Also, this may not seem like a comedy to you but trust me, it is.
This story is not about a grunt's life or the adventures of some random elite. Those stories are old and unoriginal. This story, or should I say comedy, is about the more under- appreciated residents of Halo. The Jackals.
Earth 7:00 AM
It was morning and the sun was shining bright. Providing a gentle, constantly glowing, warmth over the endless stretches of land. Such a massive ball of energy and nuclear destruction packed into a tiny case. What a sight. But you'll go blind if you look at the sun for too long. This paragraph was kinda useless huh?
Ok, so you know the story. The Covenant saw us humans as an insignificant race. Flawed and useless, so they decide to wipe us out just for fun. To us, this war was a huge thing. People running around madly, bashing into poles and stop signs. Saying "The end is near!! Repent sinners!! Or suffer the consequences!!!" wait, this isn't the apocalypse just a stupid, stinkin' war. So the humans rallied their troops and prepared for battle. And meanwhile, the Covies are just sitting there drinking down nice tall glasses of plasma. This was like a football game to them. Covies betting how many seconds the war will last watching the battle play out on their hologram televisions. What do you know, the humans survived longer than expected.
This is where our hero comes in. A Jackal named Bird. Kind of a generic name but what the heck. He was sent in as a member of the infamous attack squadron #1313. The first squadron to lose a battle during the jihad against the humans. This is how life is, according to Bird.
I was in the midst of battle. My plasma pistol running low so I hid behind my shield so I can live. The shield is cool, like the shield in counter-strike. Hide behind it and you don't die. Only thing is, with my shield, I can shoot while I'm shielded, unlike counter-strike. I could see bullets ricocheting off the transparent shield stuff. My plasma pistol finally died on me, so I only had one thing to do. RUN!!! I ran my ass off until I lost my killers. I must say, us Jackals are even more cowardly than those grunts. At least they die when they eat the machine gun sandwich. I wonder what it tastes like. Maybe a like a BLT. Blood, Lead, and Tomatoes.
Bird survived that ordeal, and was transported back home for a much-deserved rest. Shortly afterwards, however, he was called back to duty and went to fight his last battle.
Human forces eventually captured Bird. He was questioned but was later released because he couldn't speak English. Bird came back to Halo, there he was persecuted by the prophets. They claimed that Bird was a traitor and told the whereabouts of installation 05, or the second Halo, and was condemned to go to "Covie Hell" when he dies, where he would burn in plasma flames for all eternity. Bird was executed and was forgotten after many years. The firing squad killed an innocent Jackal, so they all went to "Covie Hell" instead.
If you don't know what a jihad is, it is a religious holy war against unbelievers.
Here is a useless paragraph that i put in so that i can reach the minimum word count of 750 words so i have a lot of words to write. About one hundred and fifty words. Note to the people that read the fan fiction before it get approved please let me go on this one because this is pretty much the first fancic ive ever done in story format but i will write more stuff in the future. More filler stuff. Useless text.Dont bother reading this stuff because it is just filler. About one hundred more words to go. In the future yo will never see useless stuff like this ever ever ever again. Sorry. sorry sorry. Im prett much writing a second story bacause i have to write so much stuff. NOOOOO. forty more words almost done. that was like five words already. thiry words to go. once again sorry for this useless stuff.Twenty more words to go sorry for this useless stuff. wont happen again. sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry