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Invasion of the NOOBS:part 2, The Briefing
Posted By: SeverianofUrth<residentpark@aol.com>
Date: 20 July 2004, 8:51 PM

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      Inside Camp Pariah, the Lt. Colonel's Office

      "We are gathered here today, gentlemen and hopefully some ladies, to discuss the approaching threat of invading n00bs and ways to counter the aforementioned threat. However, there will be no such discussion, I'm afraid, mainly because we all know that the n00bs must be destroyed!. And I have prepared three plans that will be set in motion as soon as I have introduced them to you... the officers of HBO army." mr.bill said. He signaled to a nervous-looking aide, who immidiately turned off the lights and turned the holo-projector on.
      mr.bill continued. "First, we have here the main fleet that are on orbit over our planet. And down below is the ground-space elevator that they are using to ferry supplies and units down... And to send prisoners and their dead back up."
      The picture then flickered to a giant metal city, gleaming pink.
      "This is the city right below the elevator... And the target of our first operation. Sergeant Kang?" mr. bill asked.
      "Aye, sir?"
      "Our first operation will involve you, Sergeant, infiltrating the n00b-city and rescuing a prisoner... by the name of Opening Act." The light was turned back on, the projector turned off by the aide.
      "Um... Sir, I doubt that I would be able to get through the layers of n00b infantry alone, sir. To do so would require at least a regiment-" Sergeant N. Kang said.
      "Ah, yes. I gave that matter some thought, Sergeant, and I have arrived at the most perfect answer." mr.bill said, and motioned forward someone that had been standing, previously unnoticed by any of the officers gathered, in a dark corner. "He is the most accomplished assasin we have... One who is so secret, so unknown to his victims, one who has never been seen before... He is so accomplished in the arts of sneaking and assasination that he is called... someone that you don't know."
      "Hello!" Someone that you don't know said, waving cheerily.
      "What's his real name, though?" Asked N. Kang.
      "He doesn't know... Making him even more secret. You shall never know him, for even he, himself doesn't." mr.bill said. "Of course, you can call him this..." He produced a placard, and handed it to N. Kang.
      "Yes. Or, you can just call him Steady-K. Right, fellow?"
      "Of course!" STYDK, or Steady-K said, while producing half-a-dozen kunais from his arm.

      "And now, here is another one of your companions, Sergeant. Corporal C. Blooded, formerly a prisoner of the n00bs." mr. bill waved over the Corporal.
      "Ah, someone who is in the military-" N. Kang attempted to shake his hand, but mr. bill slapped it aside.
      "Are you crazy, Sergeant?" mr. bill said.
      "Wha- I just tried to shake his hand, sir, nothing bad-"
      "The Corporal had been infected with the n00bius stereotypicos while in captivity." The aide said from the back, reading from a tattered report. "It makes the patient act in a way that fits with whatever n00bish stereotypes may produce... The Corporal, I'm sure, is a Canadian, which means that-"
      "Eh?" Corporal said, staring mournfully into the ceiling. "Eh? That's what I have to say, always, after a sentence. Eh?" He scratched his head. "I'm just lucky I'm not Irish. Eh?"
      "We do not currently know how the disease is transmitted, but the Corporal received it after being captured for three days. So don't touch him." mr. bill said.
      "And... what is he supposed to do, sir?" Sergeant Kang asked.
      "He is on a mission of his own, Sergeant. Finding a serum, a antidote for his disease. It's just that you two's goals are merely in the same place." mr. bill then waved over the last person...
      "And here, then, is the last of your teammates, Sergeant. He is, as you can see, a clown..."

      After Sergeant Kang and his cohorts left, mr. bill sighed, took a sip from a canteen by his side that smelled of cough syrups, and wiped his eyes. "Now, the second mission... Oh my, this is getting pretty damn boring."
      "Everyone here, I assume, knows about the Spartan John-117's exploits aboard an unknown Covenant artifact, I presume?" Everyone nodded. mr.bill smiled, and opened the door... "Then I introduce you..."
      "Oh my fucking God! It's Master Chief! You brought Master Chief! Ahhh! He's my hero-" The aide said, jumping up and down.
      "Actually, I'm his cousin..." The green-suited figure said, scratching his helmet. "But I'm pretty damn good, I assure you."
      "Yes. You don't need to know his name. He is MCC, Master Chief's Cousin, and he and his squad is to find and activate Halo-2... Provided we fail to eradicate the n00bs."
      "The members of this expedition are: Russ-687-"
      "Command Chief Master Sergeant Russ of HBO, serial number-68~"
      "No, no, no. He is Russ-687. Nothing more." mr.bill said, and went on, oblivious to Russ's glares. "There are three more people..."
      "Down here, sir." BlasTech said.
      "Right. BlasTech, a civilian Demolitions Expert. And then, we have here-"
      MCC bent over, and whispered in mr.bill's ear. With wide eyes, he whispered back to MCC, 'what? he's drunk off his ass from LCL?' MCC nodded.
      Looking tired, mr.bill said, "And finally-"
      "He's dead, or at least buried alive, sir." MCC said.
      "Fine. Well, that is all for the second operation... Which I christen you all the Fellowship of the Ring!" The Lt. Colonel said, spreading his arms wide.

      Everyone had left. Only the aide, mr.bill, and Sergeant Helljumper remained.
      "And now, Sergeant, one last mission... Destroy the sausage machine out yonder, and defend us from the hordes of n00bs out there. I have contacted the Veteran's Army, but they haven't responded yet..."

This part blows, but it had to be done... the next parts will be better, I assure you all. And the formatting is pretty ugly...

      Next Part: Saving Private Opening