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Untitled Boredome Improve -ROB- Story #3
Posted By: Mainevent<billygoat359@netscape.net>
Date: 19 September 2003, 10:53 PM

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Rob stared at the title of the next chapter with pride. Sure, his name was a measily hand-scrabbled pencil mark, but that meant little. It was his little hand-scrabbled pencil mark.

'Nottachance walked by angrily, sticking his tongue out as he brushed past. Rob stuck his thumbs in his ears and returned the favor.

The klaxons blared to life as the ship went to full alert. Rob rushed to the bridge to find out what was going on.

"What's going on?" Rob asked.

"The captain's asleep, and we're on a collision course for that city up ahead!" Another marine screamed before fainting.

"......but were in sp-" He was cut off by the sound of the onboard AI.

"As many hands as you gots, get to da places you be 'spected. We's a gonna die if yo ass aint der real quick like. I mean lickity split."

"What the hell AI is this?"

"This is our new Panicked-A.F.R.O. [Artificial Form/Relay ONLY ;)] skin we got. I like it, it comes in real well for the intense fight scenes." The weapons specialist responded.

"Oh, well, I guess......."

"Aight, since ain't nobody up front doin a damn thing, here's the collision procedure. Get on yo knees, stick you head between yo legs, and kiss yo ass goodbye."

Rob watched hoped the covenant armada crossing the asteroid belt up ahead wouldn't see them, but couldn't help but chuckle at the thought.

The ship impacted with a magnificent rumble, sending her end over end for easily 500 meters. She was even perpendicular to the asteroid belt for several seconds, before finally coming back to her original position.

A thick jello cushion filled the room, and sent Rob reeling into the main view screen. Luckily for him, the Strenght and Honor had a nano-diamond glass windshield which he was fortunate enough to rebound into.

A piece of strawberry and peaches wiggled by him in the limey green solution, and he noticed several people eating their cushion. It slowly emptied from the room, and he could see it entering the icy cold vacuum of space.

He took a seat as Reverend Hawthorne entered the room. There was a moan over to his left, and Reverend Hawthorne parted his clasped hands and looked in the direction from which it had come. One of the three marines, holding his entrails in with two hands, cried out from his delirium a name. The Reverend failed to catch what it was. "Mother," the soldier cried again, and the Reverend walked over to him.
He put a hand over the Marine's forehead. It was hot to the touch, and sweat cascaded down his face. Blood had welled up around the place where he sat, staining the carpet red. Hawthorne was sorely grieved that he had no supplies to treat his wounds with, and took the man's pulse. It was slowing... he would die soon.

Rob walked over and looked at his nametag.

"Nice to meet you, so what do you do?"

Hawthorne looked around confused.

"Are you talking to me son?"


Reverend Hawthorne prayed silently, his head bowed towards the large, gleaming light mounted at the head of the bridge. "I pray for the Marines fighting outside, that they might meet their deaths with courage or live with honor. I prayed for the families of the fallen, that they might find condolence in the fact that God and Jesus had brought their souls into heaven and hugged them to their hearts. I pray for the children, that they might be strong in this time of crisis, and that they might live on to see a brighter day. Lastly, I pray for myself, old Reverend Hawthorne, with the hopes that God will see me through this carnage and guide me on to preach from my podium once more the teachings of Jesus."

"Did you say the marines fighting outside?"


"Because if a marine goes outside, his body will explode and his blood will begin to boil..."

"....well then, that makes my job that much easier, scratch one sermon from the biblenator."

Rob raised an eyebrow, thanked the pastor for his time, and strolled from the bridge. A stop by the R&D labs couldn't hurt, see what's a kickin in the belly of the beast.

He walked inside to find 'SHualkcanghadgoagdaha (they calle him Bill for short), their local FOrerunner scientist, hard at work.

The Forerunner scientist looked up from his work. This genetic work was hard - especially with the timescale he had been given. Why they needed such a powerful weapon was beyond him - there was no enemy in this galaxy - his race had conquered all the others in the vicinity, too. Sighing, he continued twisting and reforming the DNA to create a powerful biological weapon. This was his 47th attempt - each creature he had made was dangerous, but not virulent enough for his masters. This, however, was to be his masterpiece - a mixture of viruses, parasites & poisonous chemicals. As he completed the strand, he saw it begin to multiply into a tiny, yellow-green spore. "At least it's alive," he thought to himself. Now, all he could do was wait for the spore to grow.

"How's it goin Bill?"

"Good, good, I'm about to test my newest creation. Wanna watch?"


Bill turned to the table behind him, which held some sort of creature on it. It seemed very delicate - the instant he touched the metre-wide bag it quivered and flexed. He didn't even dare to insert a viewing tube to see what his larvae were doing - for he knew there was more than one in the pupa. A few more hours would do it - the pupa was stretched beyond belief already. Suddenly, however, he saw the pupa quiver, shake and finally exploded in a shower of yellow-green flesh, blood and ten things, which landed on him and pushed him to the floor. He felt an indescribable pain as the things inserted a penetrator into his spinal cord - and took over his body.


"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Rob screamed as well. "I think I hear my mother calling, gotta go, byeeeeeeeeeeeee!!" He yelled as he ran from the room in terror.

He ran back to the door he had met George and the other marine at, and opened it. To his surprise, there wasn't the same sight as before.

The Covenant camp was totally vulnerable from the hill with the foliage Alpha Squad was concealed in. They were all wearing heavy camoflauge and nothing that rattled was brought along. The covenant guard was nearby, his thin eyes peering into the forest, searching for any sign of the enemy.

Rob approached the group, "Hey guys, what the hell yall doing standing here in this hot ass jungle with all that clothing on. You trying to kill a brotha?" He yelled from about fifty feet away.

The elite on duty, jerked his head up, and spotted the marines instantly. After several barks the six Shades placed at the entrance to their camp opened fire, killing them all instantly. Rob cringed at the sight, slapped his forehead and cursed himself.

"STUPID, STUPID, STUPID" He repeated over and over as he closed the door once more behind him.

'Nottachance ran up to him with renewed vigor.

"What are you so happy about you slimy little fuzzball you?" Rob asked while patting his head.

"I finally get to do it, I get to kill. I can't wait."

"Oohh......sounds fun. You know, I was a member of the Boy Scouts once too ya know."

"Really, well, I gotta go get ready. Bye, see you in an hour."

Everyone was preparing for their assault on ERISTOCK, yet none of them knew what they were getting themselves into. Rob was eyeing some data that, he thought, was very peculiar. One week ago the relativly lightly defended planet had a group of seven prophets land on the surface, and, one day later, defenses increased ten-fold. But he just pushed it out of his head, figuring it was a temporary thing.

"This is a temporary thing I guess." Rob said aloud.

"Hell no, they about to get a shit load of people up in dis hizouse. Yo ass betta get in and out, cuz my ass pullin dis ship out if they get har." PA answered.

"Thanks for the morale booster."


He walked up to Private Walker who was reading a book titled "Advanced Warfare and Christian History for Dummies" on his bunk.

"What ya doin?"

"I'm just reading this book titled Advanced Warfare and Christian History for Dummies." He answered.

"I saw that. Is it good?"

"Yes, very. There are Spartans, and Thermopalye, and Jesus, and Charlemagne, and Julius Ceasar, and George Bush. The're all in here. It's wonderful."

"It sounds like it."

Rob only patted his head, threw him a doggy treat, and left the room.

On the next episode- "Rob meets the Munsters"

BTW, Any christian jokes I may have thrown in here are purely for comedical reasons, and do not reflect the beliefs of the Author in any way shape or form. And now with that said I can go to heaven again. Yay!