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Fan Fiction


The adventures of Mate-rik (a parody)
Posted By: Leadbutt<geoffbutt@yahoo.com>
Date: 7 August 2002, 2:23 am


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Introduction

"The Covenant have freed Captain Locks and are having a party with him on the Lies and Disagreement, the ship I repaired before we boarded the Killer of Bottom. We must go join them!" said Whoretana. "But the only way to get in the ship is to sprout wings and fly into it."

Chapter !

The Mater Chief boarded The Lies and Disagreement with his marines. A half dozen commander Jackals immediately attacked him and his group. The Mater Chief killed all of them, then killed the Elites and Hunters. He relaxed slightly, but a door opened and two Grunts came out. After he killed them, he thought he saw the hint of a shadow moving around but decided it was nothing.

What he didn't know was that the shadow was a rebel stealth Elite named Mate-rik that was jailed for perversion. He had his camouflage chip taken away, and was guarded by two Grunts. When the Grunts waddled out, he was able to hide and get his camouflage chip back.

He noticed that the Mater Chief was tired and could not go much further without getting killed, so because he owed his freedom to the Mater Chief, he picked up a needler, a plasma rifle, some grenades, and tagged along. Whenever the Mater Chief retreated to let his shields recharge, Mate-rik killed a few Covenant. He also managed to get teleported with him, and got into the other banshee to go to the Killer of Bottom. When the Mater Chief drove down the dorsal section of the Killer of Bottom, Mate-rik climbed into the passenger seat. He got on board the Shortsword a few seconds before it launched, and decided that this was a good time to reveal himself to the Mater Chief.

After the Mater Chief had watched Halo explode, Mate-rik took out his chip and the Mater Chief saw him for the first time. After many years in combat, his instinct was to mate first, ask questions later. But before he could do anything, Mate-rik had taken off his clothes and put them on the floor. Then the Mater Chief had two "pistols" leveled at Mate-rik's butt.

"Hehehehe!" the Mater Chief said. "Hello you big hunk of an Elite!"

"I am Mate-rik," Mate-rik said, "I am the invisible ally you have had since you freed me from my jail. You killed the Grunt guards and let me free. Now I must repay you by OOOH! AAAAH!"

"Hey, stop doing my job!" Whoretana said, "I picked up a message on the Covenant Battle Net saying that a dangerous pervert called Mate-rik had escaped from a make shift jail."

"Well, okay." Said the Mater Chief and put down his "guns".

Just then, a dull red ball crawled past the Shortsword. "That must be the Motiner," said the Mater Chief. "I'm glad that he's here. Now we can trade things with each other."

The Motiner came on board the Shortsword and claimed that he wanted something that the Mater Chief had. "The index?" asked the Mater Chief.

"No, of course not silly, I want some AA batteries. My evil brother wants the index," said the Motiner.

"Then give him this video game," said the Mater Chief, "it's called 'The Index'"

"Oh, good. He'll be really pleased. Now, I'll give you two things."

"How about some gas for the Shortsword, and a trained grunt to pick up our mess."

"Done!"

A grunt and a two hundred-gallon container of gas appeared.

"Huh? What? Who? Duh!" said the grunt.

"I think I will name you Idiot," said Mate-ric.

"It's not my fault I'm stupid!" said Idiot.

"Shut up and clean up our candy wrappers and beer cans!" said Mater Chief.

"That was a good trick you played on the Motiner," said Whoretana. "Giving him a game that is for PS2 only while we are in an XBOX game!"

"Heh, heh," said the Mater Chief.





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