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When Worlds Collide 2: A New Medium
Posted By: Gasmask
Date: 14 January 2003, 4:24 am

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      The Chief stirred in his seat. He saw them. Nightmares of people he'd known, enemies he'd killed, and things he'd destroyed. All of them were standing around him, laughing at him, or screaming for mercy. Suddenly, he began to fall, down, down, into the giant, empty face of the flood infected Keyes. He shouted, and woke. He was back in the Longsword, and Cortana was staring at him with a look of relief on her face.
      "Chief! Thank goodness you're awake! We're heading towards a black hole. I'll work on the navigation coordinates to try and get us out of here, you man the controls."
      "Right," the chief said, grabbing the flight sticks. He tried to turn the ship, but they were spiraling out of control.
      "NO!" Cortana said, "Didn't we have enough of this time travel crap in our 'Strange Tale' series?"
      "I guess not," the Chief said, "Let's just play along again."
      No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the longsword swooped down the tube, and into another dimension.

932 A.D.

      >KLIPKLIPKLOP!KLIPKLIPKLOP!KLIPKLIPKLOP!KLIPKLIPKLOP!< King Arthur pranced along the road, scanning for any signs of the Holy Grail. He looked behind him, and saw Sir Galahad, Sir Lancelot, Sir Robin, Sir Bedovir, and a few other knights bringing up the rear. All of the squires were banging on coconut halves, simulating the noise of galloping horses while their knights pranced.
      It was rocky country, Arthur surveyed, and hard for the horses they...um... sort of rode. Suddenly, there was a blast of fire near their position! Thunder followed, and fire sprang up in another place. All of the knights stood their ground, Sir Robin cowering in fear. Arthur strained his sight, and saw a man causing all the fire works.
      Who in the world...? He thought. His answer was quickly supplied, for in a puff of smoke, the man calling up the fire appeared before them. He continued to summon the fire by simply pointing. Arthur spoke up.
      "What manner of man are you that can summon up fire without flint or tinder?" he asked.
      "I...am an enchanter," the darkly dressed man replied. Arthur looked at Bedovir, then back at the robed man.
      "By what name are you known?" the king querried.
      "There are some who call me...Tim," the enchanter said.
      "Greetings, Tim the enchanter," Arthur said, smugly.
      "Greetings, King Arthur," Tim said in a gruff Scottish accent.
      "You know my name?" the noble asked.
      "I do," the enchanter replied, then torched the air in front of the king and his knights with napalm emitted from a staff. "You seek the Holy Grail."
      "That is our quest," Arthur acknowledged. "You know much that is hidden, though, Tim."
      "Quite," the wizard replied, then sent a rocket screeching towards a dead tree. The knights clapped.
      "Yes. Yes," Arthur continued, "We're looking for the Holy Grail. Our quest is to find the Holy Grail." The other knights confirmed this, and Tim only stared, hard. There was a slight pause.
      "And, and so we're looking for it," the king hinted again.
      "Yes. Yes for quite some time now," Sir Robin said.
      "Ages," Galahad confirmed. Still, Tim the Enchanter only stared.
      "Uh, so anything you could do to help would be very...uh...helpful."
      "Look, can you tell us where...," Galahad said, rushing forward. Tim pointed his finger in front of Galahad, and a fire ball leapt up, stopping the knight in his tracks.
      "Fine," Arthur said as Galahad hopped back. "Um...I don't want to waste any more of your time, but uh...I don't suppose you could tell us where we might find a um...a uh"
      "A what?" Tim querried.
      "A g...a g...a" the noble stammered.
      "A GRAIL?" Tim shouted.
      "Yes," the king replied, "I think so." The other knights confirmed the fact.
      "Yes," was Tim's one word answer.
      "Oh. Thank you," the knights said. Tim did some more tricks.
      "Look, you're a busy man, and I..."
      "Yes," Tim interrupted, "I can help you find the Holy Grail. To the north there lies a cave. The cave of Kair-Bannor wherin, carved in mystic runes upon the very living rock, the last words of Ulfin Bedvir are written. Therin is the most holy resting place of the Holy Grail."
      "Where can we find this cave, oh Tim?"
      "Follow," the enchanter said, "But, follow only if ye be men of valor. For the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel, that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of four and fifty men lie strewn about its lair! So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage, or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth," he said as he made a mandible with his hand. Meanwhile, thunder was going off at odd intervals, so no one heard the crash a single longsword fighter made when it hit the ground next to the cave of Kair-Bannor.

      "PULL UP! PULL UP!" Cortana yelled inside the Chief's helmet. They were going down. Just one thing left to do. The Spartan yanked on the yellow latch over his head, and he ejected from the craft with amazing speed. His descent was slow, but he finally made it down safely. He got out of the seat, and walked towards a depression in the land that led to a small cave. He turned, and saw a lot of nights.
      "Oh, boy. This is not good," he said. After thinking for a few moments, he got up and walked over to the knights. "What the heck," he whispered, "Might as well mingle with the natives."

      "Behold the cave of Kair-Bannor!" Tim said. Arthur looked for the beast. He couldn't find it. Then, he saw a tall knight clad in green armor. He screamed. Maybe that was the beast. All the knights turned, and pointed the swords at the Chief.
      "Who're you?" Tim asked.
      "I'm...uh... Sir Chief. I suppose that's King Arthur," the Spartan Gestured, "I'm here to join the quest for the Holy Grail."
      "Good," Tim said, "You look like you're made of tougher stock than they are. They could use you."
      "Right," the Spartan said, "So, where's the monster we're supposed to be fighting?"
      "It's coming," Tim said.
      "Keep me covered," Arthur said.
      "What with?" Lancelot asked.
      "Just keep me covered."
      "Too late!" Tim said! "There it is!"
      The knights and the Chief looked, and saw a fluffy white bunny rabbit.
      "What?" the King asked, "Behind the rabbit?"
      "It is the rabbit," Tim replied.
      "You silly sod! You got us all worked up!" the king ranted.
      "Well, that's no ordinary rabbit!" Tim insisted, "That's the most foul, cruel, and bad tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!"
      The argument continued, till one of the knights went out to face the bunny. Suddenly, the creature leapt, and bit the knight's head off.
      "I warned you!" Tim said. "I told you that's no..."
      "Oh, shut up!" Arthur said, still shocked. "Charge!" The MC still stood where he was. He had seen this movie before, and knew how it ended. Time to just watch the fun. Several more knights had their heads bitten off until Arthur ordered, "RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!" The knights got back, and right before they got to the scene with the Holy Hand Grenade, there was a flash of light, and a phone booth with two eighties looking dudes stepped out.
      "Dude, I told you that you punched in the wrong number!"
      "Look, Ted, this is some time in the past, isn't it? We'll just grab a historical character from this time period for our paper!" Bill said.
      "Oh, yeah," Ted mumbled. "Hey, it's King Arthur and his knights!"
      "Yeah, let's bag one!" Bill said. "Oh, most excellent of all rulers, will you come with us to help us out with our history report?"
      "Whoa, whoa, whoa, guys," the Master Chief intervened, "You can't take these guys right now. They have a movie to finish and moolah to collect."
      "Bogus," Bill and Ted said together. After a little pause, Bill spoke up, "Well, who can we take?"
      "Well," the Chief said, "There is a nice, little, important bunny rabbit over there who killed a lot of knights. Take it!"
      "Excellent! But uh, how do we keep it from killing us?" Ted slurred.
      "I've got a little flash bang with me that will blind him for two hours. That will give you guys enough time to get back to San Dimes in time for your report."
      "Excellent! Can we take you too?" Bill asked.
      "No," the Chief said, "I'm from the year 2552. Remember, it's a history report, not a future report."
      "Oh, right. Let's do it!"
      So the Chief threw the Holy Flash-bang of Antioch, and blinded the rabbit.
      "Nab it!" Ted yelled. They grabbed the bunny, got back in the booth, and returned to 1988.

      "Uh, we have an interesting report today," Bill began.
      "Ya! We got Joan of Arc, Genghis Khan, Abe Lincoln, Socrates, Beethoven, Freud, and, oh yeah, this evil bunny rabbit from King Arthur's time!"
      "Ya," Bill confirmed, "It killed lots of knights!"
      "Look out Bill, it's waking up!"
      It was at that moment that the bunny rabbit woke up, and destroyed all of San Dimes High School. Ok, back to the original story...

      "It's the black beast of ARRRGH!" Arthur, his knights, Brother Maynard, and the MC had entered the cave, right into the claws of the black beast. It chased them for a long time, then all of a sudden, the animator doing the black beast of ARRRGH had a fatal heart attack, and the black beast was no more.


      At the Bridge of Death, the Chief had Cortana analyze the Forge of Eternal Peril.
      "It's another stupid time warp. Look, just jump in here. This is the window for 2552 earth."
      And so, the Chief flung himself into the void, landing soundly on solid earth. He looked up, and saw a golden elite wielding a sword looking down at him and laughing.
      "You know, this is really beginning to be a bad day."

      The End