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Elite Interview
Posted By: Gasmask
Date: 16 January 2003, 4:02 am

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The SubjectThe most anyone probably hears from the elite is, "Wort, wort, wort." They're not very social creatures by nature, and it seems like the only time you see them is when they're trying to kill you. Is there a brain inside that thick skull? Or are they just mindless drones? Gasmask Newsletters Inc. went behind the scenes to get the real scoop on an elite.

Gasmask: So, what initially attracted you to being a soldier for the Covenant?
Elite (In thick, snobby British accent): Well, I never really was attracted by the health benefits, or the infamy that came with the job, but mainly killing people. All elites are born with a blood lust that some people just don't understand.

Gasmask: How would you describe yourself, in a nutshell?
Elite: Well, misunderstood. I really have a lot of pent up rage, and I needed a way to get it all out of my system. My psychiatrist and priest both said that pent up rage leads to problems down the road. I took an anger management/ combat training course to release some of that anger. Now, when I get a little mad, I just shoot humans. It's very relaxing actually, and quite fun.

Gasmask: What is your basic job?
Elite: Well, back to anger management. I yell at grunts to get to work, get to their posts, that sort of thing. I'm basically a big brother type to those shrimps. I kill humans, as I alluded to before, and I drive vehicles. That way, when we finish kill off all the unclean races, I'll have necessary job skills so I can make my way in the world as a Taxi service man, or a bus driver. I love those little caps that those guys wear. And also, if I became a taxi driver, I'd be able to wear the yellow and black checkered armor. I look forward to that.

Gasmask: >Snort< Ok, whatever. What are some of your hobbies?
Elite: I enjoy the theater, and I've actually done some plays. The "Dance of the One-Legged Elite" was a bit of a flop, naturally, but "Flight of the Banshees" was a good play, and quite fun to act. I played the part of Vodicinus, hero of the Covenant home-world, who, with a single grenade, killed sixty humans. A little unrealistic, but fun never the less.

Gasmask: Where do you live?
Elite: Well, I'm not a liberty to tell you what planet I'm from, but my home is in Vraden City. I have a nice little apartment, with all the comforts of home. 72 inch flat screen television, Dolby 5:1 surround sound, and of course, we were able to get an XBOX. We made a game called OLAH, a game where you play an elite attempting to kill all those human *******. It's fun. Much more politically correct, if you're an alien, than playing Halo.
It was at this point I decided to leave before he took a close look at me. (He is VERY near-sighted.) Turns out that a human drop-ship was inbound, and that gave me some time to run.

Next Issue!
Interview With a Jackal!