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Its Just One of Those Days: 03
Posted By: Elfster<briane@teleport.com>
Date: 24 June 2003, 1:55 AM
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That night on the Cheif's Longsword fighter, still docked in docking bay 06 on some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere back o-SHHHUT... UUUUUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............. Right.... Sorry..
"Hey, sexy..."
"Sup?" he said as he removed his helmet, by now totally giving up on getting her to call him anything else.
"No, look up."
A small curiosity arose from him when he realized the voice wasn't coming from Cortana's hologram.
"What the..." he whipped around and saw a slightly smaller, younger version of Dr.Hasley standing in the doorway. Cortana? Human? He knew it was impossible but maybe it wasn't, considering all the proof he needed was standing infront of him and calling him sexy. I bet the Covenant dont have to put up with this shit.
"You're.... human..?"
"Yup, thats right stud m-"
"WOULD YOU QUIT THAT ALREADY!?"
"Well, looks like someone missed his visit from the Happy Elf this morning." She pushed her weight off the doorway and walked toward him with a spunky attitude. They both they were acting totally immaturely, and like horny teenagers, but it was fun, he admitted that to himself, even though still a little confused.
"How'd you....do it, anyways?"
"The AI Cortana was supposed to be a clone of Dr.Hasley's brain, and her image was supposed to look like a younger version of Hasley. Based on all that information, it was easy to make a complete clone."
"Waitasec.... If they can clone people, why didnt they just make an army of Spartans?"
"Uhh... 'Cause they're all greedy bastards?"
"Something like that."
"So what do you think?" She grinned and sat down with her legs crossed on his small bed. It wasn't much, but the Longsword fighter needed a place for pilots to rest when they couldn't be piloting a whole journey.
"hmmm... she IS sexy bu- ERRRRRRRRRRR I MEEEAAN UMMM... Its... Uhh... Nice, but what are you gonna do now? since you're human and all." He sat down on the bed as well.
"I.. am going to kiss you.. Like I have never... kissed.. anyone.. before."
"Then get it over with - After all, you haven't."
"Save your breath, you'll need it."
-Meanwhile, aboard the Covenant cruiser The Truth And Reconciliation, in the bedroom of Elite Commander Kyln-
"HOLY SHIT YOU- uhh... Look so great, babe... even.. without you're make-up on... man I bet the humans dont have to put up with this shit."
-Riight... for all you fans out there, be lucky you didn't have to witness that... Or maybe you have... Think Cher without embalming fluid. Anyways, back on the Cheif's Longsword fighter-
The Following Morning
"Whoooaaa... ooooooo...... Pretty lights..."
"Uhh, Cortana... You ok?"
"Yeeaaahh.. man... why are our clothes all over?"
"I dunno, why are beer cans all over the place?"
"Oh I duno... Why do I feel like shit?"
Then an automated voice came on.
"Package recieved for John 117..."
"Jeeez... I don' wanna get up... I'm stoned enough as it is.."
"You wanna go see a movie or somethin'?"
"What's good out?"
"Hmm... Lets see... Saving private Donut.. Grunts Almighty... PMS: Reloaded... Master Cheif 117... oh ya and The Halo Chick."
"Uhh.. Is it just me or do those all sound like really old movies that all just have a different title?"
The voice interrupted again.
"Package recieved for John 11-"
"SHUT UP!! Oww.. Gawd... I have such a headache. I hope its a package of Tylonel..."
He slid out of bed and shuffled to a small box-size teleporter built into the wall. A package materialized at the touch of a button. Actually, it wasn't a very small box, it looked like it could hold a TV or two..or maybe just a big TV...
A letter attached said Happy Birthday, Fucker.
"Huh... from... What! 343 Guilty Spark? I thought I killed that bastard.."
"You didn't even play Halo, did you?"
"Huh?"
"He flew away into space after Halo exploded, back to Earth probably."
"You mean back to Bungie Studios?"
"Probably."
"I'm afraid to look."
He ripped the tape off and slowly opened the box. Inside was a small crouched, eerily familiar marine...
"Oh... My.. God... It's not... IT'S NOT....!"
"Yes, Sir!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed.
"Like it?" came another familiar voice.
"Wha..? Captain Keyes? HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?-"
He turned around and saw Keyes frenching the marine.
"DUDE WHAT THE HELL..." he sniffled, "How many affairs have you been having!?"
"Oh, no! Cheif, it's not what you think, really!"
"HAH! YOU'RE GAY! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I KNEW IT! YOU'RE BOTH GAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Then came the familiar voice of another marine.
"CRIKEY! Look folks! Its Cortana! Shhh! This might be a bad time a' the month! Ima try n' sneak up on it an' poke it with a stick to see what it does!"
"What the hell IS THIS? Since when did my pad become a freak show?!" Keyes interrupted him. -
"MMMACHO, MACHO MAAN! I WANNA BEE A MACHO MAAAAN!"
"Captain, you are SO gay..."
"Yes, Sir!"
"Ya know... I'm startin' to like this lil dude..."
Then he opened his eyes, felt air rush into his lungs.
"Whew... it was all just a dream... all just a dream.... whew..."
"Mmaaan... I am SO stoned..."
"CRIKEY! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN INTO THIS!"
"Macho macho maan!"
"Yes, Sir!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-Look for more Its Just One of Those Days Episodes coming to a browser near you!
For those of you who didnt get the movie titles here are the real ones:
Saving Private Ryan
The Hot Chick
James Bond: 007
The Matrix: Reloaded
Bruce Almighty
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