What if We Miss....(yes of course it's a comedy)
Posted By: el_halo_diablo<firstname.lastname@example.org>
Date: 16 March 2003, 7:41 AM
The Master Chief held tightly onto the wall, and pulled the lever in the hangar. The hagar door opened, and the vacume sucked all the air out of the hangar. The master chief peeked out of the hangar to see the devestated planet of Earth, being bombarded by Covenant ships. The Master Chief calculated his trajectory.
Cortana spoke up,"Um, what if we miss?"
The Master Chief never thoguht of this before,"Hmm, well I suppose if I missed, then I would burn up in the atmosphere, and become a human meteorite. On the other hand, If I make it, the girls from DOA Beach Volleyball promised to throw me a party."The master chief grinned like a pre-pubecent boy with a porno tape, then he switched back to his grim mood,"Any other questions?"
"Um, yah,"Cortana said,"Alot of people are wondering; Boxers or Briefs?"
"Neither." The Master Chief muttered, and hurled himself out of the hangar, and into the void, just as the music hightened.
"Bum bum bum BUM BUM, I'm learnin to fly, bum bum buuuuuum bum, but I ain't got wings, bum bum buuuuuuum bum, I'm goin down, bum bum buuuuum bum,"The Master Chief sang happily," it's the hardest thing, bum bum buuuuum bum-"
"Just...shut...up" Cortana stammered.
"Bum bum buuuuuuum bum-"
"ZIP IT JOHNNY BOY!!!"
Just then, the "dramatic black space" began, and there was nothing but black, and that annoying music that I thought I would not have to hear in the sequel music began. The blackness and music continued.
"Ummm." The Master Chiefs voice was heard during the "dramatic black space" effect.
"Uh...Are-uh- are we supposed to do anything right now, while we aren't on camera? Cortana, do you know what the hell is going on?"
"Mmm, Yeah, this was Marty's smart Idea of having a long shot of nothing in which he called it the 'Dramatic Black Space'." Cortana answered him.
"Is it....is it ever going to end?" The Master Chief was dumbfounded.
"Well," Cortana thought about Bungie Studios,"sooner or later, someone like Chris Carney is going to stumble into the effects room and kill Marty, all we have to do is wait."
"Well that is nice to know..." The Master Chief said sarcastically.
"Besides, it's kinda fun being somewhere where no one can see what you are doing." Cortana noted.
"I am not exactly sure what you mean by that but-OH GOD CORTANA! What you just did was SO not kosher!" The Master Chief screamed startled.
"I had no idea you were Jewish!"
"Yah and I even made my own Chanukah song!"
"Really?" cortana was impressed(this is really amazing, cause last time she was impressed with the Master Chief was when he proved that he WOULD do anything for a Klondike bar),"Just like Adam Sandl-"
"Who?" Master Chief cut her off in her sentence.
"You know Adam Sand-"
"No idea who that is."
"Why aren't you letting me finish my lines, i'm just trying to tell you that you are kinda like Adam Sa-"
"Never heard of that person."
"Why do you keep interrupting me?"
"Because technically, they own the rights to that song, and if we talk about it without their consent, we'll get our asses sued." The master chief wispered to her.
"But it's just Adam Sandle-"
Just then, the dramatic black space ended, and Master Chief continued to fall down towards Earth.
"Woo hoo! Marty O'Donnell died!" The Master Chief cried happily.
"Wait a second." Cortana said,"The crappy music is still playing..."
"Which means..." Master Chief got frustrated.
Marty O'Donnell got up from his desk, with a few bruises,"It's ok people, Skip Weasel tried to come at me with a garbage can, but I nailed him over the head with my laptop. I am now presuming the 'Dramatic black space'"
The scene swithed back to blackness.
"Jesus, this is almost as annoying as that squeaky Karin bitch on 'Will and Grace'." The Master Chief moaned.
"So um now what do we do?" Master chief asked.
Heh, don't ask me, I'm just as perplexed as you are.
"That can't make any since,"The Master Chief noted,"You are the one WRITING the story, how can you not know what is going to happen?!"
I have no clue...
Just then the crappy music stopped, and Dave Candland came on over the intercom,"Haha, Marty didn't see me slink up behind him with that blow dart."
The "Dramatic Black Space" once again ended, and the Master chief was still being hurdled downwards towards Earth.
"Ok here's what I do not understand," The Master Chief noted as he sped down towards the planet,"How can I be going downwards, when I am in space? It-it-it is just not possible, there is a thing called gravity, and space has none of it, so how come I am going downwards? Does ANYBODY know why?"
Give it up Master Chief, obviously no one cares.
As the master Chief neared Earth, and Covenant ship was moving towards his line of direction.
"Hey Cortana, mabye I can land on that Covenant ship!" The Master Chief pointed out finally.
"Well no shit!" Cortana yelled at him,"What was your other idea?"
"Well," The master Chief said, thinking back to earlier today,"The Captian asked what would I do for a Klondike bar, and I said anything, so he asked 'would you jump out of a spaceship, and hurdle towards Earth's atmosphere for one?' And I said yea..."
"Why can't someone just kill me right now?" Cortana said lamely.
The ship was now beginning to go below him, and he was nearing the covenant ship.
...0.00000000000000100000000000101010111(you get the picture) meters...
The Covenant Ship passed him right before he got to land on it, and the Master Chief continued to fall downwards towards Earth's atmosphere.
"Good job Chief," Cortana said snidly,"Now we both are going to die."
"Look on the bright side Corty!" The Master Chief smiled,"At least I got my Klondike bar!"
"RRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Cortana screamed madly at him.
They traveled down a ways before The Master Chief turned into a human meteorite. The Master Chief's skeleton flew down into Seattle, but instead of crashing into any of the 450 starbucks in the seattle area, it instead crashed in bungie studios, where it landed on Matt Soel's desk. Matt Soel saw the burning heap of skeleton, looked up, shrugged, and went back to work. Chrish Carney later snuck in, and stole the bones to sell the verious pieces of the Master Chief at the Bungie store.
"Damnit!" The Director screamed, and threw down his book,"That was the fifth stunt double we've lost today! We need some useless people. People that no person in the world knows or cares about."
"How about the people from 'I'm a Celebrity! Get Me Out of Here!' no one cares about or knows those people." The Directors consultant said.
"Great idea." The Director said.
"Oh and didn't we lose only 3 stunt doubles to the jumping into the void thing?" The consultant asked.
"yah, but we lost two others on different things. We lost one, when the Master Chief gets on the elevator. Our Master chief Stunt double was so occupied with looking at the new gun, that he didn't notice that the elevator wasn't in the saft, and he fell off the edge. Now the other guy thought he could be a bad ass, and run with scissors around the set." The director laughed.
"Oh my god." The Consultant gasped,"He poked his eye out?"
"Nah," The Director chuckled,"Marty O'Donnell hit him with a trumpet."
They both laughed for a while, then the Director's consultant asked the director something,"Hey, what happens next in Halo 2?"
the director looked at his consultant like he was an idiot,"How the hell am I supposed to know? I'm a director,I'm not supposed to do or know anything. All I'm supposed to do is sit in this chair, read this book, and yell cut once in a while, and I get payed!"