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Code n 0 0 b: Chapter 3 - Worst Contact
Posted By: Skul<skulkrusha2000@hotmail.com>
Date: 15 December 2006, 12:05 am
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Code n 0 0 b: Chapter 3
Mech walked along the well-lit halls of the Writers Guild, his eyelids drooping. It had been a long, hard day of reading and writing, but like the rest of them in the massive building, he endured it.
He perked up when he saw something shining on the floor.
"Hey, is that a rare coin worth millions?" he asked to nobody in particular.
Mech bent over to pick it up with a bright expression on his face. Moments after he had bent over – a position any angry ram would have taken advantage of – a large, sharp blade whizzed past where his neck had just been.
Mech, not noticing the blade, peered closer at the object on the floor and sighed, disappointedly, "No, it's a bottle cap…"
He straightened just as a huge spike sprang out of the wall where Mech's head had been positioned in three-dimensional space a moment before and then retracted. Mech never saw the spike, what with the deadly object being out of his field-of-vision as it was.
Continuing on his way to the elevators, his eyelids dropping again, Mech stepped on a well-positioned banana peel… and continued walking, unaware of the yellow fruit skin. He entered the elevator, not hearing the gunshot or the impact of the bullet on the hardwood inside the elevator as he reached over to press the ground floor button.
"Banana peel? What the hell were you thinking with a banana peel?" asked Sev Lover One, incredulously.
"Well, I thought he would, you know, slip on it so we could, you know, kill him, you know?" answered Sev Lover Two.
"Banana peels don't make you slip up, dimwit!"
"They do on TV, in cartoons and stuff."
"Cartoons aren't real life! Don't base stuff on cartoons! What are you doing watching them at your age, anyway?"
"They're funny!" said Sev Lover Two, defiantly.
"I don't care! And stop talking defiantly, you sound stupid when you do."
"Okay, okay," Sev Lover Two responded, less defiantly.
"Well, whatever. Let's just go home. We'll get him, tomorrow," said Sev Lover One with an evil grin, "Oh, yes… tomorrow… mark my words. Tomorrow we will get him. Getting him tomorrow is what we will do, I guarantee it. Definitely tomorrow, that is the time we'll get him…"
Sev Lover One rambled on about the same thing for several minutes while Sev Lover Two got in the elevator, hit the ground floor button and went home.
so wots are part asked teh guy taht woz part of tema dat wood be tellan tha hbo fulez taht reedin iz bowrin nd crap nd gay nd 4 loosers!!1!!1! ok well do that coz its troo seded da guyy wot woz on tahat team lol, they wall be 2 bizay tellan thos guyz taht r not crap an gay and i wil destory tehm!11!!! sed psanish saptan
The next morning, me came in
Skul woke up much later after being beaten around the head for what was mistaken to be bad grammar when in actual fact, he was talking about the HBO member me. Dragging himself back to the keyboard, Skul resumed typing:
…me came in, his head nodding. Earphones were snugly settled in his ears, the phones themselves connected to an MP3 player. The small device, capable of holding an unfathomable amount of MP3s, was sending its electrical signals through the earphones' wires and turned the signals into Denis Leary's Asshole.
"I'm an asshole!" me unconsciously yelled as he passed Demitri.
"We know. Shut up," said a grumpy Demitri, who hadn't had a good night's sleep, but me never heard him and entered his own office, still yelling along to Mr. Leary's gravelly voice.
Rabid Gallagher was walking through the dimly lit underground parking lot at a leisurely pace when a soft sound on his right caught his attention.
"Who's that?" he asked, casually, assuming it was a colleague. There was no answer, even though he had called loudly enough for his voice to carry around the enclosed space clearly.
"Hello?" he called out, feeling uneasy. He waited, listening. There was no sound apart from the nearly inaudible buzzing of the lights overhead, lights that did little to brighten the drab yellowish-brown of the cement that made up the parking lot's walls, discoloured by years of exhaust fumes.
Gallagher walked towards the sound, his movements slow and cautious. He drew his sidearm and held it low. All members and staff were required to wear a sidearm after the announcement of Code n 0 0 b.
Peering past a row of parked vehicles, Gallagher saw a figure crouching next to a Warthog.
"Who are you?"
"u cant see me im hidinh!!!1!"
Gallagher's jaw dropped at the sound of the figure's voice, or rather at the sight of the figure's bad grammar, punctuation and spelling, which Gallagher was somehow able to see.
He levelled his gun at the creature that was clearly not human. It was a n00b.
"nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh dont shout me!!11!1
The HBO member couldn't concentrate. The n00b had forgotten to close its dialogue. In essence, it was narrating the story.
"Close your dialogue, you twit!" yelled Rabid Gallagher.
The n00b huffed, but complied.
"
"That's better," said Gallagher and then squeezed off a round into the n00b. The illiterate wannabe writer screamed and clutched its chest. It looked down and saw its vile blood coursing down its chest. It looked up at Gallagher with hate in its blank eyes, cried "h4x!!11!" and then fell to the ground, lifeless.
A n00b. Great… thought Gallagher.
Something told him this wouldn't be the last n00b he would have to kill. Holstering his weapon, he ran to the elevators; he had to let his comrades know that their security had been compromised.
Gallagher entered the elevator, punched the button for the fifth floor and scratched his nose.
The elevator doors closed, preventing the HBO member from seeing several sneaking, stealthy, slinking, shadowy shapes emerge from many different hiding places; behind cars, pillars, vents, walls… and… well, that's it.
…From a few different hiding places…
"Commander ss," whispered one of the shapes, "this is lolwtf skwod. Nameless n00b thirty-four has been killed by one of those stupid 'readers'. Over."
"omg hax!!!!!1!1!"""
"Er… yeah. Orders?"
"KILL UM!1!!1Q"!
"How about we sneak around and try to gather Intel, instead?"
"……………………………………..k"
"Alright, then. lolwtf skwod out."
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