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Code n 0 0 b: Chapter 1 - The Code
Posted By: Skul<skulkrusha2000@hotmail.com>
Date: 24 August 2006, 11:17 pm
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Chapter 1 - The Code
Sitting in his office in the Writers Guild of HBOFF, Skul raised the unlit cigarette and put it in his mouth as he read over Dean Albury's awful fanfic, being strangely amused by it. The utter chaos of the writing always brought a smile out of him. It was hard to believe that this was meant to be accepted as a real fanfic.
Shaking his head in disbelief, Skul picked up a red-coloured lighter and was about to light the cigarette when a small stream of water shot out and hit him squarely between the eyes. He wiped the clear liquid off and glared at the lighter as though it had meant to soak him. He gave a heavy sigh and threw the joke lighter into a drawer and retrieved a silver butane lighter. He popped open the cover and ignited a flame.
He took a drag from the cigarette and immediately started coughing. He stubbed out the white stick on his desk and then threw it into a nearby bin, all at once remembering that he didn't smoke. He patted his chest, coughed again, and continued reading about the Master Chief combating three battalions of Covenant troops.
Skul had barely read four more words when his speakers produced a small ding, indicating an e-mail message. Minimising the window with the fanfic, Skul opened up his e-mail client and saw the subject line of the newest message -- URGENT: Code n 0 0 b.
Code n 0 0 b? thought Skul, I think I've heard of this.
Frowning in his adorable way, Skul clicked on the e-mail and started reading.
Subject: URGENT: Code n 0 0 b
To: Group-Members, Group-Moderators
From: Admin
Attention all members and moderators.
It would appear that we are having a large influx of new members. However, that is not what this e-mail is about. The main focus is that many of these new members are being disrespectful when given constructive criticism and advice. Since this has been on the uprise, lately, I fear that we may be on the brink of a whole new n00b invasion. This is not for certain, so do not panic just yet, but be on your guard. We may, I say again, may see a second n00b war.
For this reason, I have initiated Code n 0 0 b. Be on full alert near new members showing signs of n00bishness. Do not hesitate to report any suspicious activity.
Let us hope it is not what we fear.
Love,
Louis Wu.
Skul felt a chill run down his spine. He shivered and looked up and the leaky ceiling. Water pipes running above the member offices were leaking. More specifically, water pipes above his office were leaking.
Skul stood up, moving his office chair out of the way of the dripping water as he did so, and walked out into the hall. He looked over to the nearest office opposite his. According to the metal plaque on the door, which was fully open, it belonged to Sterfrye36.
"Hey, Ster," said Skul, waltzing into Sterfrye's office without asking, "I got an e-mail about—"
"n00bs. Yes, I know," replied Sterfrye, cutting in smoothly, "Also, don't call me 'Ster' without asking if it's alright to do so. Same with entering my office."
"Oh, sorry. How did you know what e-mail I got? Are you spying on me? Would it be alright if I called you 'Ster'? Is it okay for me to come into your office, right now? Are you busy?"
Sterfrye paused, processing the multiple questions in his head and formulating answers before the sheer number of the queries Skul had thrown at him caused a severe case of confusion.
"I know what e-mail you got because all members got it at the same time. No, I'm not spying on you. Yeah, I suppose it would be alright if you called me 'Ster'. You're in my office, now, so what's the point in asking? No, I'm not busy," Sterfrye replied, answering all five questions at once.
Skul blinked.
"…'kay."
"Is there anything else you wanted?"
"No, no, that's fine, thanks."
"Then kindly leave. I need to finish this fanfic."
"Really? What one is it?"
Sterfrye swivelled slowly in his chair to face Skul. Glaring maliciously at the bone-headed author, he said in a low, dangerous voice, "If you don't already know… then you don't deserve to know…"
"You'd better leave his office, Skul," said a nearby cleaner, sweeping the floor.
Skul turned and looked over his shoulder at Dagorath, the part-time cleaner, part-time author and nodded, stepping backwards through the threshold with Sterfrye still glaring at him.
Back into the relative safety of the hall, Skul felt more at ease. He had a sudden thought and turned to Dagorath.
"Hey, Dag… why are you being a part-time cleaner when you know that we've got a perfectly good cleaner, already? I mean, it's not as if you get paid for it."
Dagorath thought for a moment, leaning on his long-handled broom which, when raised upright as it was now, stood taller than him.
Shrugging, Dagorath continued sweeping and said, "Keeps me busy, I suppose."
"What about writing fanfics and such?"
"Yeah, I like writing them, but, you know… cleaning's cleaning."
This confused Skul a great deal and he was unsure how to respond.
"Don't try asking anything else," the part-time cleaner said, smirking, "you'll just get even more confusing answers from me, because I like to do that, sometimes."
"…Okay. By the way, the pipes above my office are leaking. It's getting pretty annoying when I'm trying to write my fanfics and look at por… uh… pork chop recipes…"
Dagorath leaned his tall broom against his right shoulder and stretched.
"I'll get that seen to, soon," he said, not meaning it, "Try putting some pots and pans down, in the meantime."
"I guess I could try that," said Skul, wondering where he would get pots and pans, and walked back to his office as Dagorath continued sweeping.
Skul sat down once more on his office chair and thought about the e-mail regarding Code n 0 0 b. A second coming of the n00bs? Surely not…?
He thought back to when he just observed the happenings at HBOFF, before he became a member. A war was being fought -– a war that was ending.
Skul knew he was lucky to appear at the tail end of the n00b wars. He wasn't sure he would ever have returned if the n00bs were swarming everywhere, ruining the smooth running of a place he now knew and loved. He was certain that if they were ever to return, he would join the fight against them.
He had witnessed several stray n00bs wandering in, but they had quickly been turned back.
Skul sat, enduring the Chinese water torture from his ceiling, hoping never to see a full-scale war break out around him.
menwhlile the nyoo leedar of the n00bbs spanihs spratan hoo him old leedar twinkie wot was been dafeetdi ony wuns bafore woz plottn him ravenj on teh fulez at hbo!!!11! and this tym!!!!! sed spnaish spartna this tym!!! nun of em r sarvyv ololo!11!!!1!1!
Commander Demitri Wolf sat in his office, spinning around on his office chair, bored. His head was tilted upwards, facing the tiled ceiling, and he let out a bored expulsion of air. Abruptly, he stopped spinning. Had he heard something?
Picking up his immaculately clean mirror-shades, Demitri slipped them on and stepped out into the hall. He looked over to the big window at the end of the hall not far from his office. Dagorath passed him with a bounce in his step.
"Dag, did you hear anything outside?" Demitri asked as the author-cum-janitor bounced near.
"Hear anything? No…" Dagorath turned his head and studied his reflection in Demitri's mirror-shades, brushing a few loose strands of hair back into place with his hand.
"I could've sworn I heard… a voice, I think," said Demitri, frowning at Dagorath, who seemed to be smiling at him in a way Demitri didn't quite like.
"Heh, you're going crazy," commented Dagorath, finally looking away from his double reflection.
"Yeah, yeah," replied Demitri with a sigh, "but it sure seemed real. Maybe I'm just hearing things…?"
The wolfy one stared out at the orange early evening sky, straining to hear the voice again, wondering if he had heard it in the first place.
littal did wolf no that he woz rite and had hered a nise but tha one that maed he nise waz called tk262!!!!11!11 he creepedded arund 2 cable teh jackels windo and undar it wnatin 2 meet him nemasis but waz telled not 2 do it becus it wz not time yet 2 fays him becuz it wuz the time isn ot rite
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