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Harold's: Killian's and Vodka
Posted By: A Halo Fan...natic<mikeandrewp@gmail.com>
Date: 18 November 2007, 11:56 pm
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Killian's
"Hey Harold."
"Hey James. What's up?"
"Eh, not much. I'll have a Killian's."
"Sure thing."
"Ah, thanks."
"How have things been at home?"
"Eh, not so good lately."
"Wife?"
"Yeah. We had a fight last night. She's been really upset with me, and she won't tell me why."
"Hum. Maybe you should have a night out together?"
"That's what I suggested, but she said no, she didn't want to."
"Ah, she'll get over it eventually."
"Heh, right."
"Anyways, you hear the news last night?"
"No, I was busy setting up on the couch."
"Ouch. Well, they lost another colony."
"Another? Damn. Who fucked up this time?"
"No one. We just got our asses kicked."
"Bullshit. We can't keep losing over and over just because 'they're better' or whatever. Anyone who says that is unpatriotic. It's probably some dipshit general, or something."
"Well… Ah, whatever."
"What?"
"Well, we can't blame every loss on the commander. We've had some pretty good generals out there, with master strategies. It might be more than just…"
"Than just what?"
"It's not important. Anyways, the three little piggies had some good advice."
"What? Oh…"
"Yeah. So, what about last week's game?"
"Man, I can't believe Brazil beat Russia. Unbelievable. Gimme another glass, why don't'cha, and we'll talk about it."
"Comin' right up."
Vodka
"Hey James, how's-"
"Give me a Vodka. Straight."
"Ah, sure thing. Here you are."
"Thanks."
"You alright?"
"Yeah. Another."
"You shouldn't-"
"Just give it to me."
"Alright, man. Here you are."
"And one more."
"Bit early for that much liquor, isn't it?"
"Yeah."
"Any particular reason?"
"Mary left me."
"Mary… Oh. I'm… I'm sorry."
"I got home and… And she's not there, and the kids are gone, and there's this note on the couch, and… God. Give me another."
"I'll give you half. I don't want you passing out at the bar. What did the note say?"
"Don't water it down so much. It said, 'I'm sick of you being away so much. You're never at home. Ashley and Jason deserve a proper father.' God, I can't go on."
"Hey, it's alright, man. It's alright. It's not the end of the world."
"It might as well be. Fuck."
"Hey, come on, man, you don't want to sound like a wimp, do ya'?"
"She called me one."
"So? What does she matter? Hey, don't start crying on me, now."
"Give me another vodka, dammit."
"No. I'll give you a Gin and Tonic, though, and everything else will be on the house."
"Well… Fine. Whatever."
"I've seen good men drink themselves into oblivion, and I'm not going to help you do it too."
"Eh, I… I guess."
"Now, let's get your mind off her. You see the news the other day?"
"Yeah, that Admiral Hood guy. Sounds like a fucking dumbass to me. Old man, tha's what he is."
"Eh… I suppose so, but he seemed pretty levelheaded. Had a good sounding plan."
"We don't need no stinkin' plan."
"Heh, well, that's one point of view."
"Damn straight. Another gin, please. And don't water it down so much, dammit."
"I'm going to add as much water as I please. I don't want you shitfaced. Here, have some pretzels."
"Thanks, man. I am a bit hungry. I didn't have any dinner."
"Gotta soak up some of that alcohol, too."
"Heh, guess so."
"But Hood seems like a good guy to me."
"Eh, maybe, maybe."
"He's supposed to have another speech tonight. Just a few minutes, actually. Here, lemme turn up the volume on the TD."
"Sounds like a plan."
"-clean feeling! So try Herbies today!"
"This is Patricia Lyons, reporting from the UN building in New York. The newly appointed Admiral Hood will be making a speech shortly, expounding on his theories as to how the war with the religiously fanatical 'Covenant' should proceed. He has made many waves since his appointment, calling current Secretary General, William Dean, a 'pasty faced old coot,' and the head of the UN Security Council, Vladimir Putznich, a 'modern-day KGB agent' and 'Stasi,' among less complimentary remarks. Many people are anxious to hear his opinions on the war, despite official condemnation. The Secretary General is reviewing his action of appointing Hood and is considering instead a 'Colonel James D. Lowden.' The Admiral is stepping onto the platform now."
"Damn, I hadn't heard that he said that."
"Yeah. Gimme another."
"Alright. Hey! Quiet, everyone! This is important!"
"Hello, my fellow people of Earth. I'm sure most of you are expecting a usual political speech, but I'm going to be candid with you; I despise politics. I'm here to bring some common sense to the current hierarchy.
"It has become common practice, of late, for those powerful in our governing body, the UN, to suppress all information unfavorable to their own agendas. This censorship has grown so oppressive that many of us are afraid to speak our minds in public places, or even in our own homes! The so-called 'Security Council' has become a tool of terror for the behind-the-scenes operators of the UN. They have become secret police – we should rename the Security Council the Ministerium für Staatssicherheit!"
"God damn! He's saying that out loud?"
"I believe that we've had enough of this nonsense. It's time to stand up and let our governors, our 'protectors,' know that we want them to take accountability for their actions. They have been doing a despicable job of protecting Earth and her colonies from this alien menace that every day comes closer to our home. And yet the government spends half its money – still! – on pork-barrels and private projects. Just last month, the UN voted to raise their salaries by twenty percent!
"It's time we paid attention to threats to our homeland. I'm going to kick the council's ass into gear and get some money spent on this war. It's about time we paid attention to what's right in front of our noses. This 'Covenant' is a deadly threat, and we need to fight it. I propose to quadruple – yes, quadruple! – funding for the war and streamline our command structure. We've got to protect ourselves, and the current leaders aren't doing a decent job.
"We've had enough, and it's time that we let the top brass know it. Stand up, my people, and let the government know what you think of them. Thank you. Good night."
"Damn."
"That's the word, alright. Do you think they'll let him stay?"
"Shucks if I know, heh."
"Yeah – Hey! Where did you get that bottle?"
"I 'shnook it when ya' weren't lookin', heh."
"God dammit. You're going home. Here, take this pill."
"What ish it?"
"It's a detox pill. Take it. I'll pay for a taxi home for you."
"I don't need –"
"Yes you do. You're absolutely shitfaced. Dammit, why'd you have to sneak?"
"Ah was thirsh'ty."
"Fuck it. Follow me, we're getting a cab for you."
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