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Harold's: HBOFF (A Vignette)
Posted By: A Halo Fan...natic<mikeandrewp@gmail.com>
Date: 22 June 2008, 12:42 pm
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Harold's: HBOFF (A Vignette)
"Hey Harold."
"Oh, hey James. What do you have in mind for today?"
"I'm feeling adventurous. Gimme a Sake and Soy Sauce."
"Woah, okay. What does that taste like, anyway?"
"Kind of like beef broth, I've heard."
"Really? That makes no sense."
"I know, but it's interesting."
"Hah, one sec while I get the sake."
"What, you really have some sake? This ain't a Japanese steakhouse!"
"Yeah, but I've got some leftover from that sushi fiasco."
"What, when you set up that big sushi bar that flopped in a week?"
"Yeah. The guy I hired was a real master at sushi, but he up and left one day mumbling something about a vacation and I haven't seen him since."
"Weird. Anyway, did you read the fics and review over at Azrael's place?"
"Yeah. Nice crop, overall. Some of them were a bit lengthy for my tastes, but quality seems to be going up."
"Except for that Skul guy. I mean, the 'HBO Experience?' What kind of cocky, arrogant dick is he?"
"A cocky, arrogant dick kind of cocky, arrogant dick, apparently. I liked the Monty Python references, though I was expecting a coconut scene."
"'A coconut? In Mercia?'"
"Hehe."
"And he only gave Phædrus, like, three lines! Phæ works his butt off--" ***(see footnote)
"Playing Call of Duty."
"--getting his fics out on-time--"
"Since when?"
"--and this is his fic and he is El Jefe so we shouldn't get him mad at us."
"Good point. Here's your sake with soy sauce."
"Thanks."
"Five nineteen."
"Yikes! Expensive."
"Taxes."
"Taxes? What taxes?"
"Taxes for supporting UNSC Trooper's latest project."
"Oh lord, what is it now?"
"Bribe Bungie to let us write the script for the next Halo game."
"What the fuck!?"
"Hah, not really, no, but something along those lines."
"And we're paying for it."
"It's not so bad. I mean, it's not like we have to work for our money. I never ask you to pay for anything, except right now, and you never seem to have any pressing work to do at home."
"True. I guess it's just a plot hole."
"More like a setting hole."
"Hehe."
"And I never have any other customers, either."
"Better than Az's place. The Tavern is busier than Saturday at Drac's!"
"Ooooh, don't let her hear that!"
"Oops, good idea! Oh shit, he already wrote it down!"
"You're screwed. Make the most of it, eh? Have another sake."
"Hah, thanks."
"But I don't think you really have to worry. Drac is gone. She's even left DeviantArt."
"Really? Damn."
"Yup. Damn shame."
"And doesn't she owe Phæ a drawing?"
"Yes she does, but he'll forgive her because he's awesome like that."
"Yeah right. Anyway, what else is going on in the community?"
"Well, overall activity is up, but quality has declined slightly."
"Why's that?"
"I think it's all the youngsters around. They're not newbs anymore, but they haven't really soaked up the feel of HBOFF yet. I think they'll wisen up in time."
"You make me feel old."
"No problem."
"Heh."
"Oh, and Dave finally tracked down Spanihs Spratan."
"Really? About damn time!"
"Yup. Everyone's glad that his case of 'Acute Lead Deficiency Syndrome' has been, ah, 'cured.'"
"What'd Dave use? .50 BMG?"
"Molten lead, actually."
"Bwahaha!"
"Well, I guess overall, things are looking up."
"That's rather trite."
"Screw you too."
"Nah, you're not my type."
"Hah!"
"Heh, well, I think I've had enough sake."
"Done drinking?"
"Hell naw! Rum, please, and would you kindly direct me to the prettiest girl in the bar?"
"Hah! Comin' right up!"
"Thank'ee. So, now what about that girl?"
"There are none."
"What?"
"HBOFF has no girls."
"Since when? We've got Drac, Jilly, CovieKilla--"
"Drac left, Jilly hasn't been seen in months, and I believe Covie left over two years ago."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Where have you been?"
"The moon."
"Oh. Here's your rum."
"Thanks. That's a shame, though. I guess it's because half the members are sweaty-palmed, horny--"
"Er, you might not want to get them mad at you. You are just a character, after all."
"Good point."
"So, do you want anything else tonight?"
"Heh, I'm starting to feel that rum. Gimme an Old Fashioned and then don't give me anything but Scotch and Soda, heavy on the soda, for the rest of the night."
"Sounds like a plan. Comin' right up."
*** FOOTNOTE ***
"Hey, this is Harold. I just though you guys should know, Phæ's been having a bit of a family emergency. A close relative died and he's been getting carted all over the country for various things (he's been from Midland, TX to Baltimore, MD to Cincinnati, OH in just one week!). Now, he's informed me that he appreciates your sympathy, but any PMs, letters, emails, or IMs in regards to that subject will be returned unopened. He's of the 'think it over and get over the hump' school of thought, rather than the 'talk until your tongue falls out' school of thought. Anyway, just letting you know why he hasn't been around as much lately. His upcoming Africa fic is about half done, but it's anybody's guess as to whether or not he will finish it. Keep your eyes open, though.
"Thanks for reading, folks!"
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