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gladiators AND gods of Halo by Mister Frodo
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Battle Prelude: gAg part 1
Date: 15 October 2005, 10:25 pm
(Note: This story kind of dissolves into weirdness at the end. Sorry, I didn't have enought words. Enjoy.)
The Spartan raised his gun. "Really, see, it'd be a waste of ammo to shoot you, because you're just going to run out there and suicide. Again." He rolled his eyes. "Even I'm better than all you noobs running around here." He waved his hand. "Go on, get. Your score's about to go down one, anyway."
The noob ran away.
"Sev?"
The Spartan pulled out his radio. "I'm here."
"Where have you been?"
"Kicking noob butt on Foundation."
"Ol' Cappy wants you here, Sev. And let me tell you, he's pretty P.O.ed."
"Good. We'll win more battles that way." Sev clicked the com off and pressed a button on his wrist. "Teleport to Containment, Anduril. And make it snappy."
A silver A.I. popped up. "Fine, fine. That match at Burial Mounds was just getting good, too..."
"I don't give crud about your spectating. Now."
"Right, right. Keep your pants on." He snapped his fingers. Green and blue rushed past Sev as he closed his eyes.
Someone slapped him on the back. "Sev, you made it."
He opened his eyes. Leafblade and Dr. BOB stared at him.
"About time you got here."
Sev turned around. Klone, captain of their team, walked up to him. "Doc here tells me you've been playing with the noobs at Foundation." He narrowed his eyes. "On a Sunday."
"Sorry, sir."
"Yeah, Cappy, he didn't mean anything."
"Quiet, Doc. You never, and I mean, NEVER, play against noobs on a Sunday! It's disgraceful."
Sev sighed. "Sorry, sir."
"Don't do it again, Sev." He turned back to the others. "Head's given us a mission. We have to enter the High Stakes Tourney." He looked at everyone. "And win."
"The HST?" Leafblade whistled. "Those guys are good, Cappy. I mean, 1337 good."
"I know, Leaf, but I can't change that. We're leaving in the morning." He started to walk away. "Be ready at Dawn."
They watched him leave. "You know, that reminds me." Leafblade glanced at the others. "RedDawn is going to be in the tournament. You know how good they are."
"That's all hype." Sev clicked his SMG. "We'll be ready for them."
"Um, yeah." Dr. BOB looked at the others. "Um, guys, the story's not 750 words yet."
"What!?" Leafblade groaned. "Come on! That was the perfect ending place!"
"I know. But hey, rules are rules."
"Great." He raised his eyebrows. "What are we going to do for another 300 words?"
"We could play plasma grenade catch."
"Oh, no, I know you. You're always like 'I'll throw first', and then, BOOM! I hate playing with you."
"We could surf the web."
"We don't have a computer."
"What about Andy?"
"It's Anduril."
"Yeah, whatever. We could use him."
"Nah, alot of websites are adopting this thing where they put the writing in like little, tiny, microscopic letters."
"HBO doesn't do that."
"It'd suck if they did, anyway."
Sev held up his arms. "Okay, you two, come on. Let's go to Warlock and beat up some noobs."
"It's a Sunday, for Pete's sake, Sev." Dr. BOB shook his head. "Ol' Cappy'd have a fit."
"Are we at 750 words yet?"
"I doubt it."
"Crud. What are we going to do?"
"We could go to sleep?"
"Do you know how uncomfortable naps are in this armor? Even in this subzero weather, it's like a billion degrees!"
"You know what would be cool?"
Sev looked at Leafblade. "No, what?"
"Like a rifle, like the old pistol, unlike these cruddy magnum thingies."
"Yeah, Pistols forever!"
"Come on, let's go out for ice cream. My treat."
"Of course, when you say my treat, you mean I pay, right?"
"Of course. Brotherly love, after all."
"Never work with a guy from Philadelphia."
Sev started heading towards the Warthog. "I'm going for a drive. Anyone want to come?"
"Sorta." Dr. BOB looked back at the base. "You think Cappy will mind?"
"He'll be fine." Leafblade jumped into the passenger seat. "This is going to be fun. Trust me."
"Right." Dr. BOB climbed to the turret. "The moment I trust you, it's BAM! Right in the kisser."
"Oh, shut it." Sev put his foot down on the pedal. "Let's go to the left."
"No, the right."
"Left."
"Right."
"How about straight?"
Sev shrugged. "Nice suggestion, Doc." He drove straight ahead. "Wonder what's it like in Beaver Creek right now?"
"Sunny skys, of course."
"As usual. We get a base at this icehole, but Crabboy, he gets Beaver Creek! Can you believe it?"
"Yes. It's fate."
"Let me tell you something. Fate sucks."
Dr. BOB looked back. "Uh, guys?"
"Yeah?"
"Where's our base?"
Sev stopped the jeep. They looked back.
"It's gone!" Leafblade jumped out. "We're lost forever!"
"Not forever, Leaf. Someone will eventually find our dead bodies and give us a proper burial."
"Always looking on the bright side, huh, Doc?"
Lost and Found: gAg Part 1.6
Date: 19 October 2005, 9:45 pm
(Note: I never planned for this to appear in the series, which is why it's called Part 1.6. And if you can figure out why, you'll nothing. And like it.)
Sev kicked the jeep. Again.
"Stupid piece of-" He glanced up at Dr. BOB and Leafblade. "Little help here, guys?"
"Sorry." Dr. BOB grabbed the instruction manuel. "What the smurf?"
"What?"
"This thing is in tiny print." He squinted. "And I think it's written in Hebrew!"
"Nice." Leafblade leaned against the Warthog. "You know, Ol' Cappy going to be EXTREMELY P.O.ed at us."
"The author is, too." Sev shook his head. "It's his fault. He really should write longer stories."
"So, did you guys see Episode III?"
"Of what?"
"What do you mean, 'of what'? Star Wars! Duh!"
"Oh, yeah. Well, I liked the action and the story, but the lines..."
Sev nodded. "I agree. 'You're breaking my heart...' For Pete's sake! George needs to write better."
"Yeah, maybe he could take lessons from whoever wrote the Halo scripts..."
"Why are we talking about George Lucas' diminished ability to write? We need to get this 'Hog moving!"
Leafblade shrugged. "I don't know why. Alright, come on."
"Wait." Sev touched a button on his wrist. "Anduril, do you copy? Over?"
"Over? Over where? Over there?"
"Shut up."
Sev slammed his wrist. "Anduril, do you copy? Over!"
"Right here." Anduril popped up. "You don't need to shout."
"I wasn't shouting. I was speaking loudly. There's a difference."
"Yeah, right."
"Listen, get us some coordinates to the base."
"No."
"What do you mean, no?"
"Cappy doesn't want you having any. You have to get back yourselves."
"He knows we're gone?"
"Yeah. And you might want to stay out there, you know, until he...cools down."
Dr. BOB crouched down. "Maybe something is wrong with the engine."
"What are you talking about?" Leafblade jumped behind the driver's wheel. "There's nothing wrong with the Warthog."
"Then why are you still here?"
"Because Mister Strength of Seven is delaying us, that's why." He glared at Sev. "Stop chatting and get in the jeep."
"Smurf. I do what I want."
"No you don't, idiot."
"Don't call me an idiot!"
"Don't call me a...a..." He scratched his chin. "What did you call me?"
"Well, in the second grade, I called you a bozo."
"Fine. Don't call me a bozo."
"Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great."
"What are you doing?"
"Annoying you. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great. Great."
"Shut up!"
"Not until you apologize."
"For what?"
"For calling me an idiot!"
"We're so past that!"
Dr. BOB clapped his hands. "Okay, guys, let's go."
"Fine."
They jumped into the 'Hog. Leafblade put his foot down on the pedal.
"Think we can find our way back?"
"Yeah, but it's going to take awhile. We still have, like, 300 words to go."
"Darn it."
They drove on in silence. Dr. BOB pulled out a phone.
"Hey, guys, can I order pizza?"
"No."
"Smurf. You guys suck."
"Thank you."
-----------------------------------------------------------
The cloaked warrior edged forward. Years of training, years of preparation, and this. Hunting three idiots, their lazy A.I., and a P.O.ed captain. What a waste of time.
He rounded the bend and looked over it. A jeep roared by, the idiots inside chattering away.
"So, who's your favorite Halo character?"
"Probably MC."
"Arbiter all the way."
"The Arbiter stinks. I hope he dies in the next game."
"Yes, and where would they get the romance from?"
"Good point."
The warrior shook his head. He readied his sniper rifle.
"Hey, what's that?"
The idiots looked up. The warrior stared down at himself.
His camo had deactivated!
"Hey, you there!" The driver jumped out and walked up to the bottom of the bend. "Do you know where the Red Base is?"
"I do not need to talk to the likes of you." The warrior raised his gun. "I am ordered by the 1337 to eliminate you and your pathetic team."
"What? What did you say? You're going to have to speak louder than that."
"Die."
The warrior fired. His sniper shot pierced the idiot's armor, sending him to the ground. The gunner jumped out and rushed up to his fallen comrade.
"Leafblade! I didn't mean what I said about you being a bozo! Speak to me!"
"He is just paralyzed." The warrior landed at the base of the bend. "As you will all be."
"What the smurf are you-"
The warrior threw a grenade to the floor. Gas poured from its top. The other two idiots fell, unconcious.
The warrior touched a button on his comlink. "I have the three in custody, Master."
"Excellent. Report back to base."
"Right away, Master." He clicked off the radio and stopped. How on Earth was he going to carry three Spartans all the way to the secret base?
"Darn it. Dude, you've got to get a Dell."
The warrior turned. A Spartan punched him in the face.
"I'll take these idiots, thank you very much."
The warrior's eyes beheld the Spartan carrying the three idiots away. Then...black.
(So it went crazy again. Better to overshoot than to undershoot.)
^^Over and Out^^
Two Goods make a Bad; gAg Part 1.61
Date: 12 November 2005, 4:11 am
^^Hurray for Hippos!^^
Sev opened his eyes. A female Spartan held out a hand. "You alright?" she asked.
Sev took the hand. "Who are you?"
"Spartan number Q. Your friends are over there, if you want them."
Sev walked over to where Leafblade was surfing the web.
"Find anything?" Sev asked.
"Nope." Leafblade shrugged. "I submitted this story, but it didn't have enough words, so I edited it. And then, these people who post comments told me my story didn't belong there! Please!"
"Yeah, that sucks, but don't put it in your next submission, or they'll REALLY get mad."
"Dude, I'm not that stupid."
Dr. BOB strolled up to them. "Hey, guys, that Spartan Q, she told me about everything. Apparently, the author got so mad that we got lost, he sent 1337 after us."
Sev furrowed his brow. "What's 1337?"
Q tensed. "I'll tell you who they are. They're just lying, cheatful, deceiving, evil elitist heretics!"
Leafblade nodded. "Nice use of adjectives."
"Okay, so, what do we do now?" Sev glanced at the others. "You do know what to do, right?"
"Ummmmm..."
Q stepped forward. "I have good news, and more good news."
"Great, let's hear it."
"First, I know how to get to your base."
"And what's the good news? You're taking us all on dates?"
"Do you really want me to help you? Your captain guy, Klone, he knows you're here."
"So, okay. That's good." Sev stared at her. "Right?"
"Actually, no. If your captain knows you're here, then everyone knows you're here. We need to get moving."
Dr. BOB smiled. "Well, Blow Me Away, we have to save the captain."
"I think it more like he saves us from this Peril."
"Hey did you guys ever read that book, Ghosts of Reach? I thought it was pretty bad, concerning how much they hyped it..."
Q scratched the ground with her foot. "Come on guys, Follow me. We need to go kill those 1337 elitist heretics!"
Sev looked around. "Heretic, Hero, does it really make a difference?"
"Yeah, isn't it all a part of our Flawed Legacy?" Dr. BOB piped up.
"Guys, I don't want to Impend anything on you," Q walked forward, "but we need to go."
Dr. BOB turned to Sev. "Hey, remember Galaxy Quest? 'Never Give Up, Never Surrender'?"
"Oh, yeah. Andy, that Ancient Machine, he loved watching that."
Q sighed. "And I could have just listened to In Amber Clad, but no, I had to rescue them..."
Sev patted her on the back. "Oh, it's okay. You're the Last Spartan I'd care about anyway."
She pulled away. "Listen, we can dance all around this Orbit of Glass, but I'm still not falling in love with you."
"Ah, well, no Heavy Price Paid."
Leafblade put his arm around Dr. BOB. "You know, this reminds me of the time at my alma mater, Earth City University."
"Well, I myself went to help Senior High Charity."
"We don't care about your Remembrance, Doc."
"It's all Connected, no matter what you say."
"Right. That was for you, Marty."
Sev clicked his SMG. "So I guess we need to stop chatting and go fight these guys?"
Q drew a Sniper Rifle. "After you."
Dr. BOB sighed. "You know, we spent all this time chatting, without character or story development. This sucks."
"Hey, listen. We'll go kill those heretics, and then you can have all the character development you want."
Dr. BOB smiled. "Man, I'd like that."
-----------------------------------------------------------
It was cold. As usual.
your friend crouched behind the rock. Those fools had been chatting for ever. But now his chance had come. He checked his rifle's ammo and smiled.
Enough for seven kills.
Ever since joining the Metroid Hunters, he had racked up kill after kill. But through it all, he yearned for something more...Something fulfilling.
The female started to walk his way. She was going to be the toughest to kill, by far. The red one, the Strength of Seven, would go down with a fight as well, but the other two, they would be cake.
Cake with almonds.
your friend waited. Oh, SteakandGravy had warned him of this thrill! This sudden rush of adrenaline!
Death to all who oppose the Metroid! he thought. Death to all who oppose Mother Brain!
The Strength of Seven strolled to your friend's hiding place. The kill was coming! Yes!
The target stopped. Smurftard! He was joking with the other two fools! your friend did not have time for this!
He jumped up and fired a shot into the Strength of Seven's back. The female turned and wapped him aside the head with her rifle butt.
your friend gazed at the stars gathering above his head. Oh well...he had fought valiantly.
And besides, he could get more next respawn.
^^Boo-hoo, Hippos are Hurt^^
(So, you may have been waiting a while for the new episode of gAg. Or, you could have been like the majority and said , "There's a gAg?" Or, you could be like me and be wondering, "Is the next Halo 2 The REAL Ending out yet?"
So it's not perfect. But hey, it's fine. Wookies rule, nonetheless.)
^^Over and Out^^
A Warthog only has three seats..., gAg Part 1.62
Date: 19 November 2005, 5:27 am
(Dear Reader. If you are reading this, you are logged in to HBO, gone to the Fan Fic page, found this, and are currently scanning the words through you occulary devices. (a.k.a. eyes). You may have read the first three selections of this series. I have decided, in order for this series to right itself, the main characters must DIE. No, not dye, DIE. So, good luck, and may the Force be with you. Or whatever.)
A gentle shove brought Sev from his slumber. "Hey, wake up! Wake up, man!"
"Does he need the Jaws of Life?"
"If he does, I am NOT giving them to him."
"****, I didn't mean you."
"What, decided to become queer on me?"
"Oh, shut up!"
Sev lifted up his head. "What happened?"
Dr. BOB shrugged. "Well, this guy suddenly pops up, and shoots you with a Sniper Rifle. Q nails him right there, but he might come back."
"Wait. If you knew what happened, why the heck did you shrug?"
"Because, smurftard, I needed an action so you could identify who was speaking."
"Oh." He looked at Q. "Thanks."
She shook her head. "I didn't do anything. I just fired and hit him."
"But that means you did something."
"No, it doesn't."
He sighed. "We can do this all day, but anyway, was that guy part of 1337?"
"No. I've seen him before. He's with the Metroid Hunters. He's your friend."
Dr. BOB huffed. "If he's Sev's friend, why did he shoot him?"
"No, you drat, his name is your friend. An odd name, yeah, but it's the least of our problems."
Leafblade shook his head. "Listen, how many bad names is this story going to have? Dr. BOB, Q, Klone, your friend, I mean, the author's worse than George Lucas!"
"Ouch. That's harsh." Sev got up. "Wait. You didn't berate my name or yours."
"Well, I think Leafblade's cool. And so is Strength of Seven. No way!"
"What?"
"Well, the author just had to correct something, and when he typed it, it didn't delete the words in front of it!"
"No!"
"Yes!"
Dr. BOB walked away. "Listen, if we need to leave, than we need to leave. Let's take the Warthog."
"But she only has three seats."
"I count two."
"I meant the Warthog, you idiot!"
"Oh, yeah. Well, one of us can sit in the other's lap."
Sev nodded. "Yeah, but the person that's sitting in the passenger seat will have to wrap their arms around the person in their lap."
Q chuckled. "You know, I'm going to get the turret, so you guys can chose the rest of the seating yourselves."
"Oh, bother." Dr. BOB hopped into the driver's seat. "Okay, that leaves you two in the passenger."
"On second thought, I'm going to stay here." Leafblade sat down. "I can work on my Fan Fic."
"Fine. While you waste your time on that Star Wars fan fic, we'll be out saving Cappy."
"Fine by me."
"Fine."
"Fine."
Q groaned. "Listen, if you guys are going to do this the whole time, then you can both stay here, and me and Sev will go to your "Cappy"'s rescue."
"Heck no." Dr. BOB watched as Sev and Q got in their seats. "See you later, Leafblade."
"Fine, fine, whatever. Hey, no one's posted comments for my second and third fan fics!"
Sev stared at Leafblade's diminishing figure as they drove off. "Hey, do you think he'll be okay?"
"Him? Oh, he's got plenty of hidden strength. He'll be fine."
"Okay." Sev moved his eyes back to the snowy plains. "Let's go kick some Heretic pants off."
"Dude, not cool."
Twenty minutes earlier...
Dr. BOB shook his head. "He's out cold."
Leafblade kicked Sev's body. "Wake up, you dirtbag!" He looked at the others. "Yep, he's out."
Q watched them argue over something pointless. Her eyes focused on Leafblade, his bright green armor, his muscular frame...
She shook her head to clear it. "Come on, he'll wake up soon enough. Those baddies only have stun shots anyway."
Dr. BOB shrugged. "I'm gonna keep nudging him for kicks. You guys...go do whatever you do."
She smiled. Perfect. Her chance to be alone. "Hey, Leafblade?"
He looked up. "Yeah?"
"Mind helping me with the 'Hog?"
"Oh, sure."
She crouched by the rear tire on the other side. Good. Out of that idiot's view. "Do you think this tire needs pumping?"
"That one?" Leafblade knelt next to her. "I don't know."
"Hey, Leafblade?"
"Yeah?"
"Ever get hot in your armor?"
"Oh, sometimes."
"Wanna take your helmet off?"
"You know, I've been waiting since the first one for someone to ask me that." He removed his helmet, revealing a head with scraggly blonde hair. "Thanks."
She took off her own helmet. "Yeah. I hate this armor."
"Yeah, it-"
She kissed him. He stopped for a moment, and then pushed her away. "****! What did you do that for?"
"It was something I needed to get out of my system." She put her helmet back on. "You never speak of this. To anyone."
"Alright." He put his own head piece back on. "You do look nice with out it on."
"Thanks. You don't."
She turned and walked away. He sat there for a second. "Hey!"
She smirked. Gotten the insult a little too late.
As usual.
(So, reader, are you ready? Be assured, someone will die next chapter. Until then, the Force will be with you.)
(Or the Scwhartz, I don't care.)
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