What Makes Them Tick by Gold Elite-Pupu Anulproabmee
What Makes Them Tick-part1
Date: 12 September 2004, 4:41 PM
"Yes, I do think so," the Commander said to the rookie Elite.
"Really? I'll bet you my plasma rifle for your needler on it."
The Gold Elite stood there, head cocked to the side and on his fist. He was pretty sure of his answer, but was it really worth risking his weapon? Was it really worth putting his life in risk? Was it really wprth . . . "Deal."
The Blue armored Elite walked over to one of the grunts in his squad, Talyip. He tapped the grunt on its shoulder, causing the small covenant to wet his red armor in fear. The grunt shriek and jumped around. "Oh," Talyip said, relieved. "It's you, exellency."
"Yeah, I was wondering, are grunts gay?"
Before Talyip could answer, a grunt of the same sex walked over with two drinks. "Did you get it for me, Felya, dear?"
"Oh, poo! I forgot." He handed the drinks to Talyip and ran off.
"God, I love that grunt," Talyip said, staring at Felya, as if in a transe, as the grunt trudge away. Talyip suddenly snapped out of it and turned to the rookie, Pupu Anulproabmee. "What did you want . . ." Anulproabmee had left.
Pupu groaned as he relinquished his weapon over to the Commander, Supr Dooprmee. "I'll take that, thank you." Dooprmee was quick to yank the weapon from Anulproabmee's feeble grip.
Dooprmee felt pity on Anulproabmee's soul, so he tried to make him feel better. "Look on the bright side. At least life's most important question has been answered. Grunts are gay."
A smile found its way to the young Elite's face, but was quickly destroyed by an incoming question thingy. "Why?"
Dooprmee opened his mouth, about to answer, but then shut it when he relized he had no clue why. The two Elites stood in scilence for a while. Finally, Pupu said, "There's only one way to find out."
". . . no . . . we have to make an investirogatioeron."
Supr stared at Pupu in an 'I'm-either-confused-or-an-idiot' sort of way. "A what?"
Pupu answered in an annoyed tone. "Investigation."
" . . . shut up."
Pupu stood perplexed (whatever that means). "How are we going to do this, my fine, freaky-looking friend?"
Dooprmee thought hard on the subject for literally a minute, then fell asleep on the spot.
The Commander shook his head and took in a deep gasp of air. "I have sleeped on it, and I have come to a conclussion! We shall start an investigation!"
Anulproabmee gawked at his friend's stupidity, then gave in. "Right. We'll do what you said." With the sun shining over the hill, reflecting off his armor, Pupu Anulproabmee put his hands on his hips and announced the first step in his plan. "We shall travel to the grunt home world, Gruntythirst." He pointed off into the distance. "To the Elite Cave!"
The ship was en route to Gruntythirsy. Pupu Anulproabmee sat at the pilot controls while Supr Dooprmee took a bath in acid. You know, like an idiot would. Although the acid did eat up most of his skin, the holes made an improvement on his appereance.
The ship pulled into the diarea-filled Gruntythirst atmosphere not even two hours after they launched. Supr Dooprmee tried to hit on Pupu by putting his arm around Anulproabmee, but he shoved it off.
Pupu and Supr walked into the bar known as 'The Foodnipple'. And it was true to its name. Anulproabmee sat on a stool at the front counter. He made a finger gesture to the bartender. The Hunter saw it and clumsily approached. "Name your poison-nipple."
"Pink, extra pokey." While the Hunter grabbed a fresh nipple off the "rack" behind him. He slammed it down in front of the Elite. Anulproabmee took a long gulp, relaxing. When the nipple was empty, he asked, "Hey, bartender. Do you have any information why grunts are gay?"
The Hunter took the empty nipple and placed it back on the "rack". He faced Pupu, almost reluctant to answer. "Yeah," he said after a moment. "I got some info." He looked around to make sure no one as watching. Satisfied that it was completely safe he whispered, "Go to 1234 AnnoyingSqueals Drive. Check the mailbox. There should be a vanilla envelope."
After a long walk of two minutes, Pupu Anulproabmee and Supr Dooprmee stood infront of 1234 AnnoyingSqueals. Anulproabmee, scared of the horrible answers that would come from this mailbox, slowly reached out for the handle. He pulled it open even slower. Then, even slower than that, he pulled out the vanilla envelope.
"Give me that!" Dooprmee took the envelope from Anulproabmee's hands and ripped it open. A letter was inside that read 'A gift.' His gigantic fingers felt something else in the envelope, so he dumped the contents. Inside was an ear peice. Both of the Elites stood in scilence, not knowing what to do with it.
"It looks human," Anulproabmee said.
Supr Dooprmee gave Anulproabmee a wicked smile. "I'm having a smart moment!"
"Wow, those are rare. They must be worth a lot of money. Let's sell it to some guy on Earth." They did, but that's a different story.
Supr Dooprmee's smile broadend. "Yes let's go to Earth."
Gold Elite-I need your help! My brother was mysteriously killed somehow, don't know how, though I know it involved a turtle and a trumpet, but that's beyond the point. How do I get my account to work?
Pupu Anulproabmee-Don't tell him this, but I used the Trumpet of Justice to paralize his brother, then I used the turtle to make love to his brother, thus killing him.