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Halo 2, not what you'd expect by Hunter_Killer
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Halo 2, not what you'd expect, Part One
Date: 25 July 2003, 6:29 PM
Note to Readers,
Hi, people! Well, now I'm going for a change of pace; A Halo Comedy! Yay!
Now, please note I thought most of this up. A few things may relate to things you've seen(Like One One Se7en; Maka 'Makaree), but mostly it's unintentional. So, I hope you like it! Enjoy!
9200 Hours, 38 November (Dutch Calendar)
Alpha Centauri 7, Military Base #27835565564.8 ½ H2O, two miles from Nowhere
"Well, at least things can't get worse," Said Sergeant Jack D. Ripper, as a squad of Marines did battle with Covenant Invasion Teams.
Suddenly, a Banshee dropped a Plasma Bomb on the armory, incinerating it.
"Ok, poor choice of words," He said.
Finally, his MA2D Assault Rifle ran out of ammo.
A piece of meatloaf was lying on the ground, and he picked it up, and threw it towards a group of Grunts and Jackals.
"Ah! Grenade!" Yelled a Grunt, and a green explosion enveloped the Covies.
"Ah, crap. I-a knew I shouldn't have put-a so much salt a-in," Said the Italian Cook, Al Fredo, as he hurled a knife into a Grunt's throat.
"Better than usual, cook," Said Private Anonymous Guy to the Italian, "Oh, and the salt gave the meatloaf... explosive flavor."
Once the Covenant in the room were eliminated, the Marines fanned out along the base, firefights at every turn.
The Russian Warthog driver, Pickov and Dropov, put the pedal to the metal, and Major Pain ripped through the enemies with the LAAG gun.
A Red-Armored Elite, Gotit 'Informee, observed as a human decimated a squad of Jackals, with a strange explosive they called "Meatloaf".
"Yellow 'Bumblebee! Get over here!" A Blue Elite ran up to 'Informee.
"Yes, Excellency?"
"I heard the Humans talking about the deadly weapon, 'Meatloaf', and I believe it can be reproduced."
"Excellent! We can turn this weapon against the Humans, and avenge our fallen brethren!"
"I have no clue what brethren is, but i concur! Now, the Human who we shall get this secret from is Al Fredo. He holds the esteemed rank of 'Chef' in the Human Ranks. Capture Him!"
"Yes, Excellency!" 'Bumblebee ran off.
"Soon, Meatloaf will be ours!" 'Informee laughed evilly.
"You! Grunts! Bring me Al Fredo!" He shouted to a squad of Grunts, and they ran in the kitchen, with fervent "Yes, Excellency,"s at every step.
One emerged a second later with a can.
"Excellency! We have captured him!"
"That is not the Human, foolish Grunt," Said the irritated Elite.
"But, excellency, it say's 'Alfredo' in Human on the can."
"Fool! Al Fredo is a Human, Alfredo is an Italian dish!" The Elite was steaming by now.
The Grunts ran away, squeaking like the dickens.
Pickov and Dropov was attempting to radio a Pelican Dropship, for evacuation.
"Attention, Pelican-in-the-sky man, pilot of the Pelican birdie dropship. Come with the in."
"Pickov? What you doin, fu?" Came the voice of the Person known as Lt. T, Pilot of Pelican Echo 123.
"That is with the Ten-Fore. We are in the needing of some serious evacuisation,"
"K. What you Co-ordinates, Fu?"
"Um... meet us at the Charlie Bravo Delta 56ness."
"Ok, be there in three. Stay cool, Fool! T out."
"Come, Major Pain. We must alert The Sergeant Ripper, and the others in the squadness, with the haste!"
The 'Hog speeded along.
"Run!" Jack D. Ripper and Al Fredo were running from two growling Hunters.
Al had an idea. "Meatloaf time!" He pulled out a piece of the HD DP M-22 Grenade, also known as Meatloaf.
The explosion knocked the Hunters down, and the Marines ran. Then, they saw a Pelican set down in front of them.
"Hop in, fu!" Came Lt. T's voice from the cockpit, and the two obliged.
"T, just in time." Said Sarge Ripper.
On the portable Holo-Tank in the back, the two was watching a romance story.
(In the movie):"Billy Jo, I will love you when hogs fly."
(In real life): Suddenly, a Warthog, with three people in it, Ramped off a large hill, and landed a few feet from the troop bay.
The Sarge hit himself on the forehead.
"Yo!" Said Anonymous Guy, as the three jumped in the troop bay.
The Holo-Tank went off-line, as the Pelican's Engines roared to life, and sending the Pelican upwards.
It was slow at first, but the dropship gained speed, going faster and faster.
The Blast Doors sealed the Troop Bay off from the outside view, and the compartment pressurized. They were in space.
"Hey... Guys. I... am... Cap'n Kirk!" Said Major Pain, and the people laughed.
The Pelican Proceeded into the docking bay of the UNSC Some Cruiser, a Useless Class Cruiser.
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