Battle Aftermath Comedy by John Doe
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Battle Aftermath a comedy 1st edition
Date: 5 December 2004, 6:07 AM
The Master chief flew his PTV (personal transport vehicle) in low over the sunlight city and dropped the landing gear to drive to the nearest pub, he needed a drink. As he drove through the city he noticed that positions around the city were plastered with posters which had "Save the grunt!" and "Grunts are your friend!" written in large letters on each of them he smirked as he thought about them. In the wake of the human victory over the covenant many things had changed. Now, the human and what was left of the covies, mainly grunts, lived together. He stopped at a light and a grunt came over and pissed on his PTV and yelled some expletives at the MC. He considered whipping out his sidearm and rearranging its head but thought against it. He just drove on repeating "woosaaa" over and over in his mind. He stopped at the nearest pub and started toward it to drop in and get a drink. He walked in and got clothes lined by the sign designating the building as a "grunt friendly" institution. He looked around scanning the area and saw a table with about 6 grunts sitting at it playing poker and a group of marine retirees sitting around the bar watching the latest football game. Several grunts started causing a ruckus and threw poker chips and cards at him. He brushed them off and ordered a drink. He sat down and a grunt came over and took a dump on his shoe. Now he was really mad but as a calm, cool and collected guy, he brushed it off anyhow and sat watching the game. He remembered the glory days when grunts would yell for mercy instead of yelling "LOOK! AN ASSHOLE! PWAHAHAHAHA!" but those days are gone now. He walked back to relieve himself and came out and two rats tripped him and a grunt stole his wallet. When he was done, he noticed that several drunk grunts were stumbling around being idiots. He also saw four grunts hotwire his PTV and drive off laughing their heads off. He pulled out his battle rifle and pounded slugs into every grunt he saw. Now he was happy.... until several men rushed him, real pencil pushers, grabbed him but, he shot them all and made a break for it. He was hit on the back of the head by a grunt which was amazing for it to reach but it jumped from its hiding place on the chandelier. He was knocked out and thrown in prison. He broke out while waiting for his trial and made another break for it hoping this would have a better outcome, then came another damn grunt swinging on a chandelier that came from who knows where and he stuck him with a grenade and watched him dance for the three seconds of glory that he got. He started running and was once again annoyed by grunts when they drove by in a Civilian Warthog and threw cigarettes and beer bottles at him. Where were the pencil pushers to get all over their case? He started running when he saw a grunt on a hoverbike trying to run over a marine. He ran over and boarded the vehicle killing the grunt in the process. Now he was wanted for the murder of 15 grunts and 6 Pencil pushers. Several grunt cops flew in in their APTV's (armored PERSONNEL transport vehicles) and surrounded him while several grunts with covenant snipers lined the rooftops, heck he was so special they sent in G.W.A.T. (grunt weapons advanced team) armed with dual weapons ranging from plasma rifles to plasma pistols to smg's. 3 even had energy swords and then there were two grunts with fuel rod cannons standing behind the PB's (portable barriers) standing with a grunt captain, all three were guarded. He was surrounded. Give up? NEVER! He grabbed 2 smg's that materialized out of no where, did an army roll took cover and took out 2 of the G.W.A.T's who were paying the least attention. He was pinned down with 13 angry grunts all around him. It was not looking good. The sniper fire was horrendous any minute down hot green blobs would be exploding, killing him, or blowing up his barrier exposing him. He rolled out caught a grunt with a sword and used him as a human shield taking its sword. He killed the captain and the grunt ofense was in disarray. There were bullets flying everywhere chiefs shield was at 50%,25%, 10%, he had to get to cover. He killed 1 out of the 2 fuel rod cannoneers and took his gun and used the fuel cells to kill 3 of 4 snipers. He drew his sword and killed 4 of7 grunt regular G.W.A.T's. He moved away and 2 more were killed by friendly fire. There were 3 G.W.A.T's left in all. He lobbed a grenade and took out the fuel rod cannoneer and the normal G.W.A.T. and had one more sniper to deal with. He pulled out his trusty battle rifle and put 1 three round burst into the snipers head. It was over, his shield recharged and he surveyed the grisly battle field. Out of the blue, he saw a fast moving dot on his motion sensor, he went black. In prison, he learned that the grunt he killed on the chandelier had a brother and he had an armored chandelier. He was thrown in prison awaiting trial.
ThE eNd of pt 1
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