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Comments for 'Well Enough Alone Part 1: Deceitful Dreams'



vector40
2:26 am | March 19, 2002
:P
Ryan
5:10 pm | March 17, 2002
He is geneticly engeneered, isn't he? :-DI'm working on fixing that little problem. Give me a few days and you can expect a much better 2nd installment. :)
vector40
5:17 am | March 17, 2002
Heh - he's awfully detached, and knows an awful lot about his surroundings, to be first person :)
*shrug*
5:17 pm | March 16, 2002
I'm by nature a 3rd person story writer. Always have been. I tried to make this story in first person, obviously that flopped. I'm still decideing on what to do for the next installment... I have it all in my head, I'm just short on a tittle. lolOh, FYI, the master cheif is the narrator.
vector40
3:02 am | March 16, 2002

And modest, too, killa.

Pretty nice, Ryan. A few quick points - "whose," not "who's" - try indenting your paragraphs and not skipping lines between them - and who's narrating this thing, anyway? It's important to figure that out and stick to it - it sounds like it's in a third-person omniscient mode, but talks like it's one of the characters making a commentary.

Not bad, though.

-v

killa_snypa7
2:48 am | March 16, 2002
umm, its not boring, really...any good reader cn mkae a picture of what they are reading...me, being a great reader and writer, can read and see the image like a movie....it is really good, keep them coming...
Jaywhit10
5:06 am | March 15, 2002
This is interesting i like it keep making them
Ryan
3:51 am | March 15, 2002
Well, I hope ya'll enjoy it. I've done a few fan-fics before, but never a Halo one. Let me know what you think!(PS: I know this one's a little boreing, but I plan to make this a *long* series... and trust me, it will get better!)


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