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Comments for 'ONI Black Operations Part 4' |
Mainevent
12:42 pm | December 18, 2003
It was a pretty good fiction. I could understand most of the plot. The thing you need to work on though, is your grammar. Especially comma placement.
"The Lt. Commander in his mind went through all of the events of the day past."
That sentence was sorta hard to understand for me.
Try: The Lt. Commander when through all of the past day's events in his mind.
There are several other places where the comma itself is either missing or shouldn't be there. But other than that. Good job.
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Jaywhit10
3:17 am | December 18, 2003
The beginning of this story was supposed to clarify the thing in the last part before this one. ONI Black Operations was sent in told that it was a rebel problem, while in fact at the same point in time and place it was really the Marines getting ambushed by ODST's that are attached to black ops. So when the Black Ops were sent in, they were sent in to get sort of get killed in the ensuing fighting. A sort of "scape goat" an easier way of getting rid of the squad w/o anyone knowing. Thats all i was trying to say with the Lt. Commander in the beginning. That was really what that part ment, since the brass have another project up their sleves and didn't seem to need that one anymore.
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Agent Shade
2:48 am | December 18, 2003
just finished reading all your fics so far....this story is kind of confusing. don't get me wrong, i feel your grammar has improved and also the content of the story and how you write it is good, i'm just really really confused....my understanding is, this ONI team of marines and ODSTs are fightning rebel soldiers or something and the main character is getting blamed for all these deaths or something....keep writing though, maybe it will all get explained later
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SOS.Odin
9:58 pm | December 17, 2003
I read the first part of this series a long time ago.
in fact, this series was the first one i ever read on this site
and ur fics started me here
this one wasnt bad
i thought ur first ones were better
guess ya just gotta get back into the groove, eh?
good job regardless
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Jaywhit10
9:08 pm | December 17, 2003
Hey, please post some comments on this story. I would really appriciate it. Last time i wrote for this series was in march, so its been awhile. I hope you enjoyed it, if you were confused at all, please refrence my earlier parts, or on some characters series. This series is supposed to take place farther in time then when the co-written story, The ONI Chronicles, took place. Thanks, im happy to view any comments from anyone. Thanks
Jaywhit10
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